Raise your choc tops!

Our beloved ABC Radio National movie reviewer Julie Rigg reported a story last week that caught my attention. Gold Coast woman Ms Pauline Clayton was charged with assault in a Texan court and fined $150 after touching a woman on the arm in a screening of Brokeback Mountain after repeatedly asking her to get off the phone. The woman ran screaming and demanded ms Clayton be arrested for invading her private space.

On behalf of all moviegoers I'd like to state my support for Ms Clayton. Because you know what? It happens almost everytime I go to the cinema. Its not just the mobile phones either. Oh no. I have a list as long as my arm of ways people can ruin your movie experience. In fact I wouldn't mind my own day in court...

Regular readers will know that I do (on occasion) leave the comforts of Couchville to enter the hallowed halls of moviehouses nationwide. Needless to say there's a few guidelines I'd like us all to follow just for the comfort and safety of all concerned...

Theatre should be clean
All of us should have a clear view of the screen.
The film should run on time and be projected correctly (ya hear that Nova!)
vanilla choctop fridge should be well stocked, popcorn fresh, coca cola cold
My friend Michael should have a isle seat to accomodate his giraffe length legs

And there should be absolutely not talking.
not a word, not a whisper.

shut up.
I mean it.

If you want to talk to each other go home.
If you want to make out then get a room - preferably one that I'm not in (unless it's you and I making out, if it is then why the hell are we at the movies?)
If you do not understand the plot, you are an idiot.
If it is a muscial do not sing along.
Crying I can tolerate (mainly because I'm prone to it)
Do not bring a McDonalds happy meal in with you


And don't under any circumstances answer your mobile phone.

you my friend are not that important.

So raise your maltesers in honour of this feerless moviegoer. Pauline Clayton we applaud you.