Disaster!

As Melbourne was hit with its own little superstorm today, the downstairs bathroom just seemed to come undone at the seams. Water was flooding in from all sorts of nooks and crannies at an alarming rate. Needless to say I spent most of my day not on the couch - no midday movie for me!

While furiously mopping, and aligning buckets with steady drips that seemed to go on for hours I starting ruminating on the many natural disaster movies I have enjoyed over the years. I'm already excited at the prospect of yet another bad telemovie tomorrow night with the promising title of 'Category 7!'

The combination of Randy Quaid, Tom Skerrit and Cameron Daddo mean we are in for a night of quality viewing...not. In its defence bad tv on a Sunday night is always welcome.

I know that the spate of these films and tv movies are a direct reaction to real events around the world. We want to find ways of coping with them and these big dumb movies allow us to safely think about the 'what ifs..' and to hope against hope that regular people can survive such horrific events.

mind you it would probably help if we stopped cutting down so many trees, burning fossil fuels and driving our cars everywhere. If there is one thing the disaster movie has taught me - we need to start listening to the scientists...even if they don't look like Bill Paxton.

There really isn't anything that can equal the big budget natural disaster film. I'm afraid this is a deal breaker folks, those of you who have no time for them - well there is no future in this and I suggest you delete Couchville from your lives - we simply cannot be...

Twister - Bill Paxton in a good shirt smelling the dirt and driving like a maniac - nothing bad about that. I could watch Mr Paxton read the phonebook, I'm easily pleased. Twister was the first film I saw after living in Switzerland for four months - the highlight of which was watching my host country come last in the Eurovision Song Contest. No wonder I love it so much.



Armageddon - this is a family favourite. My mother considers this film to be an absolute classic (my mother is quite the classic herself). It's exciting, stupid, funny and a delight from beginning to end. Remember this has Owen Wilson, Steve Buscemi and Bruce Willis - an almost perfect cast...just avert your gaze when Ben Affleck is on screen.



The Day After Tomorrow is a natural disaster masterpiece. It's probably now an act of sedition to say it was fun to witness the utter devestation of North America and to watch them all fight to get into Mexico. It was preposterous, hilarious and looked wonderful - I even liked the silly wolves but I know I'm alone there.
Jake Gyllenhaal is in it. Enough said.



Dante's Peak. I think Peirce Brosnan has all of the charisma of a sea sponge. He does his best in this film to dismantle any career Linda Hamilton might of had as a strong female lead by belittling her throughout the whole film. He even tells her the coffee she has been lovingly making him every five minutes is terrible. That being said when that pyroclastic cloud comes screaming through...it's all killer, no filler my friends.

WARNING: Don't under any circumstances watch Volcano. It really is awful (I've watched it three times just to make sure).



Deep Impact - one of the more serious of the genre it's not as bad as you all remember. If your local Blockbuster has it as one of the weekly specials then revisit it. Stop renting Shawshank Redemption and Carlitos Way - you've seen them a million times. I promise you wont be as dissapointed as you think. Morgan Freeman is in it so that should make you happy.

My favourite natural disaster movie is The Perfect Storm. This is a little unconventional as it's based on a true event and so unfortunately does not have a happy ending. The story of the fishing trawler the Andrea Gail is an anguished and incredible one. It's a distressing and challenging film that has one of the saddest final sequences of anything to come out of Hollywood.

George Clooney is great as Captain Billy Tyne who tries so desperately to win the war against nature. Mark Wahlberg gives his first good performance as the doomed first mate Bobby. The storm itself is a central character of the film and the special effects are still stunning.

Trivia: The waves were so good they reused some of them in Master and Commander...

So I've checked on the bathroom and it seems to be drying out. I'm counting my blessings that my village isnt under twenty feet of mud, or that my house isn't rubble after a hurricane, or even that I don't have to worry about making my home bushfire ready. My disasters always have Bruce Willis there to blow up the meteorite and keep me safe. I'm counting my blessings that my couch is warm and dry...

that is until that 'Category 7' comes wailing thorough.