Disaster!

As Melbourne was hit with its own little superstorm today, the downstairs bathroom just seemed to come undone at the seams. Water was flooding in from all sorts of nooks and crannies at an alarming rate. Needless to say I spent most of my day not on the couch - no midday movie for me!

While furiously mopping, and aligning buckets with steady drips that seemed to go on for hours I starting ruminating on the many natural disaster movies I have enjoyed over the years. I'm already excited at the prospect of yet another bad telemovie tomorrow night with the promising title of 'Category 7!'

The combination of Randy Quaid, Tom Skerrit and Cameron Daddo mean we are in for a night of quality viewing...not. In its defence bad tv on a Sunday night is always welcome.

I know that the spate of these films and tv movies are a direct reaction to real events around the world. We want to find ways of coping with them and these big dumb movies allow us to safely think about the 'what ifs..' and to hope against hope that regular people can survive such horrific events.

mind you it would probably help if we stopped cutting down so many trees, burning fossil fuels and driving our cars everywhere. If there is one thing the disaster movie has taught me - we need to start listening to the scientists...even if they don't look like Bill Paxton.

There really isn't anything that can equal the big budget natural disaster film. I'm afraid this is a deal breaker folks, those of you who have no time for them - well there is no future in this and I suggest you delete Couchville from your lives - we simply cannot be...

Twister - Bill Paxton in a good shirt smelling the dirt and driving like a maniac - nothing bad about that. I could watch Mr Paxton read the phonebook, I'm easily pleased. Twister was the first film I saw after living in Switzerland for four months - the highlight of which was watching my host country come last in the Eurovision Song Contest. No wonder I love it so much.



Armageddon - this is a family favourite. My mother considers this film to be an absolute classic (my mother is quite the classic herself). It's exciting, stupid, funny and a delight from beginning to end. Remember this has Owen Wilson, Steve Buscemi and Bruce Willis - an almost perfect cast...just avert your gaze when Ben Affleck is on screen.



The Day After Tomorrow is a natural disaster masterpiece. It's probably now an act of sedition to say it was fun to witness the utter devestation of North America and to watch them all fight to get into Mexico. It was preposterous, hilarious and looked wonderful - I even liked the silly wolves but I know I'm alone there.
Jake Gyllenhaal is in it. Enough said.



Dante's Peak. I think Peirce Brosnan has all of the charisma of a sea sponge. He does his best in this film to dismantle any career Linda Hamilton might of had as a strong female lead by belittling her throughout the whole film. He even tells her the coffee she has been lovingly making him every five minutes is terrible. That being said when that pyroclastic cloud comes screaming through...it's all killer, no filler my friends.

WARNING: Don't under any circumstances watch Volcano. It really is awful (I've watched it three times just to make sure).



Deep Impact - one of the more serious of the genre it's not as bad as you all remember. If your local Blockbuster has it as one of the weekly specials then revisit it. Stop renting Shawshank Redemption and Carlitos Way - you've seen them a million times. I promise you wont be as dissapointed as you think. Morgan Freeman is in it so that should make you happy.

My favourite natural disaster movie is The Perfect Storm. This is a little unconventional as it's based on a true event and so unfortunately does not have a happy ending. The story of the fishing trawler the Andrea Gail is an anguished and incredible one. It's a distressing and challenging film that has one of the saddest final sequences of anything to come out of Hollywood.

George Clooney is great as Captain Billy Tyne who tries so desperately to win the war against nature. Mark Wahlberg gives his first good performance as the doomed first mate Bobby. The storm itself is a central character of the film and the special effects are still stunning.

Trivia: The waves were so good they reused some of them in Master and Commander...

So I've checked on the bathroom and it seems to be drying out. I'm counting my blessings that my village isnt under twenty feet of mud, or that my house isn't rubble after a hurricane, or even that I don't have to worry about making my home bushfire ready. My disasters always have Bruce Willis there to blow up the meteorite and keep me safe. I'm counting my blessings that my couch is warm and dry...

that is until that 'Category 7' comes wailing thorough.

Let's here it for the boy...

Almost one month ago, on the 24th of January, actor Chris Penn died of a massive heart attack. The autopsy revealed not much at all, other than a weird cocktail of medication and an enlarged heart that just didn't beat anymore.

I didn't know about this until last night while watching the BAFTAS - his name and face appeared briefly on a screen flashing the faces of those we have lost. I was stunned. How could I have missed this? Why didn't anyone tell me? And why am I sad?

We all know who the talented ones in the family are. Chris was overshadowed by his famous siblings. "the finest actor of our generation" - Sean - and much feted musician/songwriter Michael. You know Chris, he was the fat one.

He was also the kid who Kevin Bacon taught to dance in Footloose, he was Tom Cruise's buddy in 'all the right moves, He was the determined detective in Tony Scotts True Romance, he was nice guy Eddie in Tarantino's masterpiece Reservoir Dogs.

He had in fact appeared in over 80 films. On the day he died his latest film, ('The Darwin Awards') was premiering at Sundance. Chris wasn't there. He was at one of Sean's many properties building sets for the Vietnam epic he'd been working on for twenty years - yes, building his own sets.

His funeral was attended by Jack Nicholson, Tim Robbins, James Gandolfini. Actor Mark Ruffalo and brother Sean attacked a photographer who snuck into the gated cemetery. I think Chris would have liked that - a bit of biffo at the final party.

Chris wasn't pretty, he wasn't charismatic, he weighed in at nearly 300 pounds and he sure as hell was never going to be a guest on The Actors Studio. But you know what?

I thought Chris Penn was cool, really cool.

If I'd had my way I would have cast him as Bud in LA Confidential to really see him fly and to see the Bud I had always imagined - a wonderful, complex,intense hulk of a man just trying for redemption.

Best Supporting Actor Goes To

I've always loved them. The actors that you see over and over again but never know who they are. You just mumble under your breath "there's that guy...what's he been in?" and whoever else is on the couch with you (the cat maybe) will mumble back "that guy has been in everything".

These are your go-to men. They turn up as heavies, dads, lawyers, psychos, vice presidents, cops, teachers. They are so familiar to you and it's always great when you see them.

They go a long way to support my One Film theory (my idea is it's all one story, that connections can be made with clever casting and creative thinking -more on that monster brainwave later).

Quite frankly they can make the stars of the film look better than they really are. Often (sadly) they become stars themselves which really drives me insane because I miss them popping up unannounced all over the place (I loved Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Twister - but can't be bothered with Capote for example).

Over the coming weeks I'd like to draw your attention to my Top 5 character actors. Lets give these guys the attention they deserve.

Number 5 on the list is James Rebhorn.
Ahh you're thinking...who?

I first noticed James Rebhorn in a not so great little movie called 'If Lucy Fell' in 1996. He had a small roll as Sarah Jessica Parker's father. Little did I realise that was a pretty big role for him. Nor did I realise that I had in fact seen him dozens of times before and that and I would continue to spot him all over the place.

He was the Secretary of Defence in Roland Emmerich's joyous sci fi flick Independence Day, The doctor in the appallingly overrated Cold Mountain, and also appeared in David Fincher's much underrated 'The Game' (1997). Other films include Basic Instinct, Lorenzo's Oil, Carlitos Way,The Talented Mr Ripley, JFK, and the Woody Allen black and white gem Shadows and Fog.

In 1992 he appeared in both My Cousin Vinny and And Scent of a Woman - both films had Oscar winning performances in them - not by James tho, I don't know if he's even been to the Academy Awards. I'm pretty sure he's at home in couchville just like the rest of us.

He's been in half a dozen episodes of Third Watch and Law and Order and he currently has five films in post production. Could he be busier? Something tells me he's making a great living despite not being on the cover of Premiere magazine.

I think he's a delight. All pointy and tall, great in a suit and always dependable. He delivers his lines crisply and neatly, never chewing up the scene - always leaving that to people like Al Pacino, Michael Douglas, Bill Pullman.

So next time you see him (probably in the Susan Sarandon/Ralph Feinnes film 'Doris and Bernard' due out later this year) stay for the credits and applaud loudly when the name James Rebhorn scrolls by.

bad boys bad boys watcha gonna do...

You know what I am really sick of? New TV series that everyone is raving about that I JUST DO NOT GET! I was all ready to love Lost, Desperate Housewives, I was even prepared to give House a go. I was especially looking forward to Prison Break. And now, by episode three I am already reading the spoilers on the net so I can watch Dateline in peace.

There is no denying it. Young man Wentworth Miller (that's his name? You have to be kidding me) who plays the too-clever-by half Michael Schofield in PB is very very easy on the eyes. Take a look at him, really. Like a t-bone steak or a well made baseball bat.

All the elements are there, yum and dumb leading man, great tattoo, convoluted escape plan, sassy lawyer, psycho inmates, cruel guards, hot brother on death row for another three weeks... Three weeks? I hear the writer has 44 episodes planned so far. This is going to be like watch paint dry.

There once was a time I could kick back with Ally McBeal, The Practice, E.R, Dawsons Creek, Party of Five, even the x-files (ah Mulder we miss you!) and be very happy thankyou very much (knowing full well it was pap - fast moving, pretty, entertaining pap).

I just don't have the attention span to deal with this new batch of sludge. I have worked out that if you watch Lost once every three months NOTHING has happened, you haven't MISSED anything. Desperate Housewives (so much promise, so little love) just creeps me out - their faces don't move properly so I suspect there is an onset minion injecting botox into Terri Hatcher at every spare moment. Am I the only one that thinks she looks like the Joker in Batman?

House is just dumb (not as dumb as Monk, but close).

I think something weird has happened to me. In the past 3 years I've had The West Wing, 100 Centre Street, Queer as Folk, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, Oz (now there is a prison series), Curb Your Enthusiasm, Little Britain, Spooks, League of Gentlemen, Love My Way, Arrested Development... There is a long long list of exciting couch viewing.

I've been ruined by quality television. My ability to enjoy crap has been greatly diminished, to the point where I will no longer tolerate crap acting, hack writing and 6 minute ad breaks every 7 minutes. Is it time for me to hang up my remote and just walk away? Say it isn't so!

Doesn't Commander in Chief start next week...?

Love Letter

For all you lovebirds out there, this one is for you…

Despite the gross commercialization of Valentines Day I thought it would be nice to spend some time (alone) on the couch contemplating the romantic film. I’m not talking Casablanca, An Affair to Remember, or (heaven forbid) Sleepless in Seattle - all acceptable midday movie viewing. There are five films that made me think it was worth hoping for.

For those of you happily paired I hope your sweetie does remember the overpriced flowers – or the equivalent thereof.

For those of you recently heartbroken I hope your friends remember to call you and wish you well.

For those of you that could care less, remember you cynics – it’s just a day for people to say I love you, it doesn’t have to involve chocolate.

And for those of you with a secret crush on someone now is the time to strike – you’d be surprised how this day can work in you favour (go on!)

And for those of us who know it will pass without a whisper - hit the couch

5. The Cooler
4. Simple Men
3. Reds
2. The Girl on the Bridge
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind


And we shall never speak of this again

Gold Gold Gold for Australia...I mean Norway

I have a confession to make. Like all great couch potatoes I love watching sport on television. And I'm fairly indiscriminate about what I am prepared to watch. I've just recovered from the Australian Open, eagerly awaiting the start to footy season, and contemplating foxtels tempting offer of 7 new channels just for the Commonwealth Games - which I might add are on here in Melbourne so if I got off the couch I could go see some of it.

Could I be lazier? In fact my new years resolution was to actually leave the house and see some sport this year. I know the smart thing to do is to actually play sport but I can't catch a ball to save my life.

I can manage to walk, swim, occasionally hit a tennis ball. God knows I'll give you a run for you money on F1 Grand Prix (playstation of course! One sad year I stayed awake for every Grand Prix and tried to master each circuit on the ps2 before watching the race - no wonder I'm single).

I'm completely left handed - so much so that if you need a right arm I've got one just doing nothing right now. So I remain an armchair enthusiast. Complete with a long list of favorite sports films and an opinion on anything from afl to diving to baseball to tennis, even to downhill skiing.

Which brings me to tonights juicy treat. The Opening Ceremony of the 2006 Winter Olympics from Torino Italy (cheer!)

This sunburnt country of ours has managed a team of 40 - 29 of whom are competing in the Olympics for the first time. Our best hopes are Lydia Ierodiaconou in aerials, and Torah Bright in snowboard halfpipe. Good luck goes out to our youngest member 19 year old snowboarder Mitchell Allen. Alisa Camplin returns with sugar free brilliance to defend her title as queen on the freestyle aerials. Good luck to them all!

TOP 5 sports movies

5. Murderball
4. Hoop Dreams
3. Chariots of Fire
2. On Any Given Sunday
1. Rocky (of course!)

And the Academy Award won't go to...

Joaquin Pheonix.

Now I hate Nova cinema with a passion. Not once have I been there where I haven't had to deal with rude staff, bad seats and poor projection. So it was with some hesitation I accepted an invitation to the opening night of Walk the Line.

I don't know anyone who is a fan of the biopic, I know I avoid them like a plague. I can honestly say I will never see Ray, Chaplin, or even Ghandi. The only exception to my rule has been Ed Wood - which continues to bring me joy.

But I love Joaquin Pheonix. He has the saddest face of any man I've seen. And I can't say I hate Reese Witherspoon, despite her chin and pretty pretty husband.

So I went with an open heart, bad front row seats and sat though a 45 minute set by a blues band doing Cash covers to get the full house in the mood (in true Nova style they left the drum kit in the cinema so during the film we could all hear the snare reverberate).

It's a simple film, well crafted, nicely peppered with a great supporting cast - Robert Patrick is great as the unforgiving father. It's a film full of fantastic music and a respectful telling of a great love story.

But at the centre of all of it is Joaquin and a performance so vulnerable and raw and brilliant it made me weak at the knees. It's so exciting to watch a film when you suspect it is the performance an actor will be remembered for - the best they will ever give us

Think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty
Think of Edward Norton in Fight Club
Think of Guy Pierce in Memento
Think of Johnny Depp in Dead Man
Think of Christian Bale in American Psycho
you get the idea.

River Phoenix never came close.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman will undoubtedly take the gold man home this year. But you know what? He doesn't deserve it. Why? Because Phillip Seymour Hoffman can act, and does so very well in every thing he's in. He was just doing his job. He just had to turn up.

If I could send Mr Phoenix an academy award I would. Instead I'll see his film three or four times (but not at Nova) - with friends, with mum, with anyone who hasn't seen it and wants to share a popcorn and coke combo (email me!).

Then when I wear out the soundtrack I'll go buy every Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison and Elvis Presley cd I can lay my hands on. A great start to the year.

The most beautiful ad on television

As much as I like it I have never known too much about music. I have always surrounded myself with people who seem to be passionate about it and I tend to just absorb what they expose me to (yes Beck I will listen to that Mary J Blige cd tomorrow I promise). The cds in my collection could all be categorised by people I've known (hey David I still have all your Tom Waits and Elvis Costello cds).

My boss Abi has amazing taste in music and this year has given me Coco Rosie and Anthony and the Johnsons. My daughter Hope (age 11) has become obsessed with the White Stripes and I in turn can't stop singing Little Ghost.

If I do buy music myself it is nearly always movie soundtracks which may then lead to me discovering something else. But recently it has been advertising - so often the evil hijacker of good (and bad) music that has caught my attention.

I have been totally seduced by the Sony ad for their new monster TV. It shows thousands of coloured superballs bouncing down the streets of San Francisco. The music is by someone called Jose Gonzalez from his debut album 'veneer'. I know this because at work the other day I picked out his cd at random and put it on.

And there it was. The soundtrack to the most beautiful ad on television.

Look I know it's for Sony and Im sure they are evil but this ad is like a perfect poem. And you know what?

I really like the music