workin hard to make a livin

There has been alotta talk about work lately among my circle of friends. Some of us don’t have any, some of us don’t want any, others are looking for escape routes as we speak. But there is one amongst us, my dear friend Sonie, who saw a job in the paper she really liked, put in an application, interviewed for it and got the job. Snaps for Sonie!

In honor of her first week I’d like to recommend some DVDS for her to watch, not just for inspiration but for a good laugh too – which I think all Social Workers need. In fact all workers need a laugh at the end of a long day on the job. So here it is.

5. Clockwatchers. With a tag line of Four Girls Four Dreams One Office how can you go wrong with this goofy 1997 comedy? Starring Parker Posey, Lisa Kudrow and Toni Collette as the temps who let things get a little out control. It plays for old fashioned laughs and some very funny site gags. It’s so beautifully cast and captures the rigid boredom and the weird friendships that can be had waiting for 5pm to come round.
Best Line: “The only real challenge with this job, is trying to look busy when there's nothing to do”


4. Nine to Five. Ok it’s an obvious choice but do you remember just how funny this film really is? The magic trio of Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton as the down trodden secretaries who exact revenge on their leering boss is a little dated but still sharply written and rollicks along at a fine pace. And look, the theme song is worth the price of admission.
Best Line: “Oh, God. They know about the rat poison. I might as well just turn myself in”

3. Working Girl. I don’t care what anyone says I loved it then and I love it now. The only time Harrison Ford ever really convinced me he was a romantic lead (han solo doesn’t count, because han solo is real right?) The only time Melanie Griffith looked sober on screen (even when playing drunk). It captured the corporate 80’s better than Wall Street and was a really nice love story. Watch out for David Duchovny as an extra at the engagement party (blink and you’ll miss him). Weird trivia- they tried doing a sitcom based on the film starring Sandra Bullock- there is no way her hair would have been big enough.
Best Line: “I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?”


2. Fight Club. You know Sonie is not going to like this film at all but any time I can mention it I will. Yes I am one of those very predictable GenXrs who think that writer Chuck Palahniuk is some kind of god. I saw the film maybe 10 times at the movies and pre ordered it on DVD. Weirdly enough I’m sort of over it now and only revisit the book. Not a film about work so much as an anti work film. Great for the chronically depressed for a bit of fire in the belly. Sonie can watch it in 6 months time but those of you strapped to your desks may need it sooner.
Best Line: “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”


1. Office Space (1999). My all time favorite work related movie. This is the only thing I can really watch Jennifer Aniston in without feeling queasy (ok she’s not that bad). From the creator of my beloved Beavis and Butthead (cue snigger) Mike Judge and starring the lovely lovely Ron Livingston. No film better describes the hell of cubicle life.
One of many best lines: “No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I'll just kick this piece of shit out the window”.

Hard Rock Hallelujah!

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You know I should have put money on it. I had them picked following the prelims on Friday night. But who would have guessed that pseudo death metal group Lordi were capable of bringing home the gold for Finland at this years sensational Eurovision Song Contest?

Original they may not be, europop they certainly are not. But they are joyous, riotous and a good poke in the eye for all those Abba wannabees that churn out the same bad 2 minutes of dross every year.

No wonder Europe rewarded them with a record breaking 292 point victory. Note that this is more points than all past Finnish entries combined. There is a victory parade in their honour in Helsinki this week. Those of you that can't make it can enjoy their peformance via the video courtesy of the wonder that is YouTube complete with weird greek promo introduction and cheeky comments by that classic euro prankster Terry Wogan. One for the fans!

Gimme the keys, I'll drive...

It’s a red letter week here in Couchville. I get to peel the P Plates off my car after three years of sobriety and some hair raising driving moments. Learning to drive at the age of 30 is no small thing. I had been lucky enough to live in the inner city where it was unnecessary and expensive to own a car. But life took some strange turns and I needed wheels. It took me 12 months of one hour lessons but I finally passed my test. And now three years later I can’t believe I did it! So to celebrate my milestone I thought I’d share with you my top 4 favorite car movies.


Christine (1983): when I was a kid I took the dustcover off Dr Doolittle and put it on the hardcover of Christine so I could sneaky read it in my very strict catholic primary school which had banned Stephen King for all eternity (him and Kiss lunchboxes). Scared the bejeezus outta me and possibly the Jesus outa me too.

I loved this John Carpenter movie adaptation. The car was suitably menacing, the teens were cute and the music, well yeah it was that weird John Carpenter music. I have great fondness for the lead actor a young Kieth Gordon who went on to direct one of my top 100 films –an adaptation of the Robert Cormier classic The Chocolate War (1988).


The Love Bug (1968). I’m talking the original and the best. Not the latest Lohan mish mash (not that I hate Lohan, she seems to be the best of a bad bunch). But this was a Disney feature back in the day Disney was doing good work. And it starred their stalwart Dean Jones who was always so appealing. And the car, that was a rockin’ cool car.


Duel (1971). An obvious choice I know but one I can’t resist. You’d be surprised how many of my friends count this as one of their favorites. It’s a film that can only work as a film, it’s a purely visual story. There is very little dialogue, lots of wide angle shots of long winding desert roads. And one mutha of a truck bearing down on us in a relentless road rage that would only end in tears. Spielberg is a genius. Well he was then…


The Fast and the Furious (2001). Now ok just hold on. Before you fall off your chair laughing I actually think this is a really fantastic movie. Ok so it has all the clichés - hot cars, fast women, undercover cops, criminal with a heart of gold. It’s essentially Point Break in cars. It has a great energy to it, and it’s funny and knowing.

Vin Diesel is quite a dish but not quite as delicious as Paul Walker who really was the eye candy for girls so they’d take their dumb boyfriends to the film. The very best thing about it? The stunts are all real. No CGI nonsense. One of the most famous stunts where a car drives under the carriage of a moving semi was performed by a woman stunt driver. So now I’m off my P Plates I could apply for her cool job right?

Maybe I need to do that defensive driving course first.

Honorable Mentions:

LeMans
Bullit
Cannonball Run
Ronin
The Cars that Ate Paris
The Italian Job

Please note Car movies are different to Road movies and Duel is both. More on that some other time…

cruisin for a bruisin

You know I’m pretty easy to please. Gimme a big screen, fill it with good lookin’ people doing fancy things, a fat soundtrack and a wiz plot and I’m there opening weekend. So it was no surprise that this past Saturday night I dragged my long suffering movie buddy Michael to Mission Impossible 3.

Now Michael has been pretty patient with me over the years. He sat through Saw because I told him it was going to be great (how wrong I was) he missed Kinsey because I hate Liam Neeson so would always find something better to go see, and last year he suffered through the relentless War of The Worlds (Spielberg, so we had to go).

Mind you he did force me to see every Bored of the Rings and the dull as dishwater King Kong not to mention countless Japanese horror movies so I guess we’re even.

Why did I think Mission Impossible 3 would be good? I can’t quite tell you.

I must admit Tom was not the only problem. But he was one of them that’s for sure…

Problem 5: Tom. It’s very easy to hate Tom Cruise, almost too easy and I wasn’t prepared to write him off just because he jumped on Oprah’s couch or called Brooke Shields a drug peddler. These things are just embarrassing and seem to be symptomatic of a middle aged man with too much money and ego having a crisis despite ‘having it all’. That kind of stuff doesn’t really bother me too much. He’s a dickhead, I think we all know that. In fact in a recent survey Americans said they would prefer to go camping with Saddam Hussein than Tom Cruise.

I have no problem with bad actors being stars. I think actors and superstars are two different things. Not that you can’t be both but that’s kind of rare. In fact I’m trying to name some real superstars who are better than good and to be honest with you it’s a struggle. They just don’t need to be. Why bother if you’re still getting paid 20 million a picture?

But they do need to be likeable. Cruise is just a nasty piece of work. This is now emanating from every pore like a foul stench of corruption and scientology- induced psychosis. You can never for one minute believe in the character of Ethan Hunt. It is just a two hour commercial for Brand Cruise. And I aint buying.

Problem 4: Precedent. The TV series was supercool. The first film was half decent. In fact the first 40 minutes are so well crafted they are always worth a rewatch when it comes on tv. The stunts were great (remember the fishtank?) and it did everything a film like Mission Impossible is meant to do, it entertained. The second one was pretty nuts, but worth it for the Woo factor.

40 minutes into MI3 I was ready for a nap.

I don’t know if you can make action films this dumb anymore. It will be interesting to see how the new Bond fares. I think the Bourne Identity and Supremacy have set a new standard in the genre. They were smart and thrilling all at once. Is that too much to ask for?

Problem 3: Co stars. I never thought I’d say it but Phillip Seymour Hoffman was terrible. Lawrence Fishburne was terrible. I hope the paychecks were worth it. Of course I’ll forgive them, it’s not like they had much to work with. The girls were utterly forgettable, so much so I can’t even be bothered talking about them. Jonathan Rhys Myers is always terrible – you can bet money on that.

Problem 2: Soundtrack. My c.d collection is 75% movie soundtracks. I will not be buying this one. We heard the fantastic theme music once. Composer Michael Giacchino is all full of bluster and brass. No good. He is also behind most of the cheesy music in Alias, which explains why this hack was hired in the first place.

Problem 1: JJ Abrams. The most overrated director working today. The so-called genius behind Lost, Felicity and Alias. In fact the best way to describe MI3 - a double episode of Alias. Lots of costume changes, implausible plot devices, lots of running, starting the film at the end. Diabolical baddies, double crossing goodies, even the goofy tech guy who saves the day.

Not one orginal idea in the whole mess.

Abrams was hand picked by Cruise whom I guess is now such a control freak he virtually directed the film – I have never seen so many close ups of Tom Cruise in two hours. It was making me queezy.

This is not to say great directors can’t come from tv – hey if you’d given this to Joss Whedon (lovely genius…did you know he’s doing Wonderwoman- thank the lord!) then at least the jokes would have been funny.

So that’s it. No more Tom Cruise for me. I’ll try and forget Taps, Born on The Fourth of July, Magnolia, The Color of Money and Collateral. I will always remember Mission Impossible 3.

I want my money back so I can go buy a ‘Free Katie’ t-shirt.

Boy George!

Birthday Greetings go out today to Mr George Clooney.

Our modern day Clark Gable is one of the only actors today who can make women swoon. Not just salivate but really feel giddy. No one looks better in a suit, no one is more self deprecating, charming and, god should I say it, ‘debonair’. Of course when I say women I guess I mean me. And yes he may be more fabulous than even I know but no matter.

I loved him as Doctor Ross in E.R and I love him still.

George is what you’d call ‘dependable’. He always gives you a good performance, a solid go at it. But he’s always George, no more no less. Of course on top of this he’s a terrific director and he’s going to ease into old age Redford style –with dignity. I don’t think you could get a more confident directorial debut than ‘Confessions of a Dangerous Mind’(2002). And I've already called Goodnight and Goodluck (2005) a masterful film on several occasions

Now if we can just get him to stop making sequels to Oceans 11 he’d be perfect.

Best Clooney Films

From Dusk Til Dawn (1996) – this piece of mayhem from Robert Rodriguez co-starred an over zealous Quentin Tarantino and an oversexed Salma Hayak. Bloody thirsty and crazy vampire flick that makes me cheer.

Out Of Sight (1998) Remember a time when we all though Jennifer Lopez could act? Well it was because of this film. George plays it super cool in this Soderbergh special. Playing the criminal with a heart of gold the clichés get ramped up to the point where they even reference the clichés – there is lovely scene between J.Lo and George in the boot of a car where they discuss Dunaway and Redford in Three Days of the Condor. Swell. It helps when it’s based on an Elmore Leonard novel.

Oh Brother Where Art Thou? (2000) a far more successful pairing of George with the Brothers Coen than the weaker Intolerable Cruelty (2003). This film has real poetry to it. He’s so fine as Ulysses in this folksy retelling of the epic story. They don’t take it too seriously. As wacky as all get out, it feels like old world Hollywood. I can imagine Gable so clearly in the same part.

Solaris (2002). Soderbergh again but very very different. This film I just never tire of and it has flitted around my top ten on and off for a couple of years. It’s a heartbreaker. George left his usual charm at the door and really worked on this film. It’s probably his finest acting performance. Do not see it if nursing a bruised and battered heart.

Three Kings (1999) you know of course this desert storm film is all about Mark Wahlberg (what a revelation!) but there is a scene at the end where George has to make a decision to do the smart thing or the right thing (not gonna tell, rent it for gods sake. No don’t rent it BUY it you cheap and lazy bugger). This is a theme that run through all of his films. The one thing you know about George: He’s the good guy.

Oceans 11 (2001). Ok I know. Why? Because it is just so incredibly hot. They all looked like they had so much fun on this movie. Just fun being them, being that good looking, that well paid. And if you’ve seen the original you’ll know that this is a really sharp film. A great great soundtrack. A tight script. The perfect crime, the crack team and really nice suits. A guilty pleasure. That’s not to say I endorse Oceans 12 or the upcoming Oceans 13. Stop it boys you’re ruining it for us!

Let’s try and forget:

The PeaceMaker
One Fine Day
Batman Returns

I haven’t mention Syriana, I know I should have but I still haven’t seen it. Bad I know.

Happy 44th Birthday George! Here's lookin' at you kid...