couchville

Nothing but Trouble and Desire

2006-11-30T10:01:00.000+11:00

On November 10 actress Adrienne Shelley age 40 was found hanging in her bathroom in what at first appeared to be suicide. A fine actress who was best known as Hal Hartleys leading lady in Trust and The Unbelievable Truth she was also a celebrated filmmaker in her own life. she was a wife and mother and was adored by many Hartley fans who were heartbroken to hear of her passing, myself included. The story grew increasingly more gruesome as it was later discovered that Adrienne had in fact been murdered by a young workman from the floor below. She had complained about the noise, she had threatened to reveal he was an illegal immigrant. He freaked out and killed her. Just another New York Story I guess.

Trust by Hal Hartley:

Maria (Adrienne Shelley): Did you mean it? Would you marry me?
Matthew (Martin Donovan): Yes.
Maria: Why?
Matthew: Because I want to.
Maria: Not because you love me or anything like that, huh?
Matthew: I respect and admire you.
Maria: Isn't that love?
Matthew: No, that's respect and admiration. I think that's better than love.
Maria: How?
Matthew: When people are in love they do all sorts of crazy things. They get jealous, they lie, they cheat. They kill themselves. They kill each other.
Maria: It doesn't have to be that way.
Matthew: Maybe.
Maria: You'd be the father of a child you know isn't yours.
Matthew: Kids are kids, what does it matter?
Maria: Do you trust me?
Matthew: Do you trust me first?
Maria: I trust you.
Matthew: You sure?
Maria: Yes.
Matthew: Then marry me.
Maria: I'll marry you if you admit that respect, admiration, and trust equals love.
Matthew: OK. They equal love.

the good Christian

2006-11-18T18:43:00.000+11:00

God it’s been a busy couple of weeks movie wise. I’ve managed to catch up with Children of Men, Little Miss Sunshine, The Departed and The Devil Wears Prada as well as couple of good Bollywood epics. Tonight I’m trotting off to see The Prestige with the divine Christian Bale and delicious Hugh Jackman which is so very exciting – costume drama, magic, twist ending oh bugger….Scarlett Johansson is in it too. Would it be too much to ask for her character to be killed off early in the piece?

I am one of the legions of geeky Christian Bale fans who enjoy everything he does simply because he is so stupendously good looking. I have the same reaction to him as I think men do to Ms Johansson (hey I never said she wasn’t beautiful – just a bad actress) – he literally makes me week at the knees. It's rediculous isn't it? And as much as we all delight in the Pitts, the Clooneys the Brothers Wilson there is just something about Christian Bale. The camera loves him and so so I.

Hooley Dooley.

Why else would I see the muddled Batman Begins three times? Or say Equilibrium is one of the finest sci-fi movies ever made? Not to mention my devotion to the film version of American Psycho. And despite making my skin crawl in the Machinist I was still compelled to watch it several times. And yes Reign of Fire is terrible, and yes he was only a little kid in Empire of the Sun, and yes Little Women is so sweet you go into a diabetic coma and yes The New World is two hours too long.

Love ‘em all.

So here, fellow geeks is my Top 5 Christian Bale Films

5. Laurel Canyon.
I avoided this film like the plague because of Kate Beckinsale (blech) but caught it last year on tv and just loved it. Bale plays Sam the son of Jane (France McDormand) a famous record producer living in the Hollywood Hills. Sam's forced to move in with mom with his girlfriend Alex (Beckinsale) until they find a new house. Sam goes off to work as a psychiatrist at the local hospital while his girlfriend stays in the house finishing her doctorate. Needless to say his straight living clashes with his mother wilder ways. What could have been a terrible film is really saved by great performances from the three central characters. The great thing is Bale gets to be relatively ‘normal’ and it makes for a nice change. And for those of you that haven’t seen it there is a 5 minute conversation in a car that is sexier than any dodgy sex scene imaginable (I think if you go to youtube and search for ‘laurel canyon car scene’ you should be able to view it).

4.Batman Begins
This isn’t a really fantastic film. Having just watched it yet again last week (hey it was on, what can I say? It was that or read a book). But good lord he wears those suits very well (both Armani and Bat). I never loved Batman as much as I loved Superman and certainly all the film versions have left me pretty cold but Christian Bale is perfectly cast (shame about the rest of them.. Katie Holmes as an assistant D.A – ridiculous).

Equilibrium.
Alright I’ll some out and say it. This is only for the geekiest of the geeks, the rest of you will absolutely hate it. Set in a fascist future where feeling anything has become illegal (like an extreme version of 1984) Bale plays a ‘cleric’ – an almost superhuman government agent who can ‘sense’ when people are emotional and promptly kills them. When forced to kill his partner (Sean Bean) he starts to question the regime and stops taking the government prescribed medication. As feelings creep in he becomes part of the resistance…you get the idea. It is hot as hell! This film is just as close to sci-fi girl geek porn (is that a genre or a sub genre?) as you can get. phew.

American Psycho
Bale of course was the perfect Patrick Batemen. He buffed his body until it was a shiny toy for director Mary Harron to play with. I saw this at its Film Festival premiere. I sat in the third row surrounded by boys and I loved every minute of it. It holds up well and elevates the book in as much as it is more obviously satire. It captured the brutality but also the humour. And again, the man wears it very very well…

The Prestige
I just know this is going to be my number 1. Read my review later on this week. But let me tell you I have watched the preview plenty of times. Even if Johansonn is in it.

Oh well one for the girls and one for the boys…

Looking forward to Harsh Times, Rescue Dawn and I’m Not There and yes The Dark Knight in 2008!

Boston Boys

2006-10-23T09:37:00.000+10:00

First of all, stop reading this review. not because of spoilers – there aren’t any, and not because I’m going to bag the film – I’m not. Simply because The Departed is something you have to see because it is the new Scorsese film and you have to make up your own mind about it.

I’m not going to tell you the plot or complain about the length (too long, ended suddenly, left questions unanswered) I’m not even going to blather on about the misuse of music in some scenes (one was so jarring we thought the music was coming from another theatre).

I am however going to go on and on about the performances.

Those who know me know I am a huge fan of ensemble pictures and my favorite of that genre is the ‘man’ picture. Guys doing Guy things – in this case killing each other and using their mobile phones A LOT. In fact this film has the very best use of mobile phones to date. A particular scene where the two central characters listen to each other breath on the other end of the phone is just terrific. The sound of them beeping, vibrating, opening and closing, ring tones, texting are all crucial in turning the plot inside and out.

The Father Figures First

Fist up Jack Nicholson is great. I mean I know that is obvious because he’s always great but in this he winds back that insane Jack and brings out the good stuff. He is commanding, scene stealing and a very very bad man in this picture. Not quite as charismatic enough but still great.

Ray Winstone as Jacks right hand is underused here. I wasn’t even aware that he was in it and I wanted more – but quite frankly there just wasn’t any room. The departed is crowded with kick arse guys that can act the pants of most people and it was fun to watch them ‘out act’ each other.

Alec Baldwin. He gets hotter the older and fatter he gets. I love the way he now has his enormous ego in check enough to take on these smaller roles. He's like a bear now. Fantastic.

Martin Sheen is the only truly good guy in the film and his scenes with Di Caprio are touching without being saccharine. It’s hard not to see him as president Bartlett but I like not having him be such a central figure. he’s a short man too and the young strapping lads just tower above him which always makes me think of Yoda…that’s just me I’m sure

ok now to the Sons

Matt Damon. You know I’m right on board the Damon train now. After Syriana and The Bourne Identity I now think he’s just fine despite that unfortunate nose. His character is as corrupt as they come but still manages to make the rat in the ranks sympathetic…well kinda. You get the feeling that he wants to get out (there is vague talk of moving to another city, starting fresh) but he is so ego driven and the Irish chip on his shoulder just can’t allow him to walk the path of the righteous man.

and now to Leo. I have never never never liked Leonardo Di Caprio. I hated Titanic, I hated the Beach, I hated The Aviator (but recognized its epic quality). But I had trouble hating him. Because I understood why the girls swooned when he looked through the fish tank in Romeo and Juliet. I wept at his rawness in the Basketball Diaries and The Quick and The Dead is one of my top 20. So…

Leonardo is AMAZING in this film. He’s allowed himself time to get older, to thicken up, to bring out that great melancholy he is so good at (see Marvin’s Room). And those eyes aren’t quite as distracting now. It’s exciting to see him grow up. Give him another ten years and he’ll have us all in his top pocket.

Mark Wahlberg. You know even sporting a very dodgy haircut (standard issue Boston cop flop cut) he is still super cool. He gets to swear a lot, be generally offensive but still come across as one of the really good guys. in fact he’s disgust at the idea of police corruption is almost palpable. He bounces off Martin Sheen so well you can see they had a lot of fun together. More please. Cant wait for Invincible to come out next month…

There are a lot of things wrong with the film but you know what? so what! You get to spend 15 dollars and watch a dream cast do their jobs really really well. The first hour of the film is full of great dialogue and a swooning swing camera that is as good as any vintage Scorcese.Those of you that loved Infernal Affairs will have their quibbles I think but hey you people are purists and so hard to please anyway. It's a very different film. Scorcese is much more interested in the psychological angles - it's not just a mouse in a maze film. Dicaprio and Damon are not at the top of their form yet, but how exciting to watch them head to the top of the mountain.

rockin.

you beauty

2006-09-05T08:52:00.000+10:00

I was saddened to hear of the death of Steve Irwin yesterday. In fact I was not the only person to shed a tear in my house when the news broke that he had been fatally wounded by a stingray while filming a new documentary in far North Queensland.
Effusive and charming and a little bit embarrassing. Every time he appeared on Leno I cringed a little, like having a crazy uncle who makes everyone laugh at him so that eventually they’ll laugh with him. He knew that. Irwin was fully aware that he could seduce people with his crazy monkey act and then get them to look at wildlife in a whole new way. I don’t think I ever really felt crocs were beautiful, but he did teach me that they were majestic and important. Crocs Rule!
A couple of years ago we took a road trip from Melbourne to Queensland and we stopped off at the Australia Zoo in the hope of catching Steve in action. We were disappointed to hear he was filming on the Galapagos Islands at the time. But we had a great day. Staff were lovely, food was fantastic and most of all the animals were happy and clearly very loved. Even I, not known for my love of wildlife had a hoot hanging with the kangaroos, watching the croc show and saying hi to possibly the most pampered wombat I have ever seen (his enclosure was like the Park Hyatt for wombats). The overwhelming feeling at that zoo was real happiness and a great respect for the environment. Even I found myself looking at these funny animals and tall eucalypts and thinking that I lived in the most amazing country in the world.
My twelve year old daughter was the first to hear and she announced ‘mum the crocodile hunter died!’ before her little chin started wobbling. See, in this house we loved him. He was joyous and energized and crazy and enthusiastic. He was madly in love with his wife and children, devoted to his parents and passionate about his animals. So rare is there a person who can only be described with such intense and effusive language.
We’ll miss you Steve.

wish you were here.

2006-08-23T22:56:00.000+10:00

This week marks what would have been the 36th birthday of River Phoenix. I can roll out the clichés now if you like ‘young life tragically cut short’, ‘James Dean of his generation’, ‘brooding good looks’ and these are all clichés for a good reason. They are said again and again; but you know not so much now. He’s an actor I thought would have been immortalized and revered in retrospect. A tragic young matinee idol. But he seems to be all but forgotten.

Maybe he wasn’t as great as I remember. Maybe people like Leonardo Di Caprio, Elijah Wood, Tobey Maguire and new guns like Topher Grace and Orlando Bloom just overshadow our faint memory of River Phoenix. Maybe the shining light of his brother Joaquin has now finally overtaken (what a battle that has been).

So I’d like to take some time to lay a small bouquet at River’s grave his grave and send him some love from the couch. I’ll do this be renting the top five River Phoenix films

5 Running on Empty (1988). Very few people will remember this film and it can be hard to track down but it’s really terrific. It’s the story of a fugitive family – Judd Hirsch and Christine Lahti are the parents in hiding from the FBI, Phoenix their son who just wants a normal life knowing that this could possibly lead to his parents arrest. It sound pox I know, but it really is incredibly sad. Directed by the wonderful Sydney Lumet – a gem.

4 Sneakers (1992). Oh this film really is what separates us geeks from the rest of the population. It’s not a good movie for lots of different reasons but at the same time every time it comes on I find myself watching it. Could it be that the pull of Robert Redford, Sydney Poitier, Dan Ackroyd, David Strathairn and River as a gang of hi tech thieves is just too strong? Or do I just like any movie with gadgets in it? River doesn’t do too much in this but my fondness for the picture as a whole warrants its entry onto the list

3 Stand By Me (1986). This is probably the greatest film about childhood friendship that has ever been made. It also the very best Stephen King adaptation. A young River is tough and smart and gives such a rich performance. This film is a classic and you can’t say that about many films made in 1986!
memorable quote: "I never had any friends later on, like the ones I had when I was twelve...Jesus....does anyone?"

2 The Mosquito Coast (1986) An underrated Peter Weir film about a father who takes his long-suffering family into the Amazon to lead a 'simpler' life which actually translates to being hell on earth as dad becomes more and more unhinged. Perfectly cast with Harrison Ford and River Phoenix in the father/son roles. It was one of those great passing of the torch moments in film history (but more on those later).

1 My Own Private Idaho (1991). The most beautiful Gus Van Sant film. Two hustlers on the streets of Portland Oregon doesn’t sound like much to go on but it is an elegiac and heartbreaking film. Poetry. Phoenix’s character suffers from narcolepsy so there are all these wonderful moments where he just falls unconscious. It’s a film to swim through. I watched this again recently as part of a Gus Van Sant festival in couchville 9yes I am that obsessive) and it's still a stand out.

Was he a good actor? A Leonardo Di Caprio or a Johnny Depp? Or was he just so beautiful you were captivated by him like an Orlando Bloom or Jared Leto? Did he remind us of old teen idols James Dean and Marlon Brando? Yes is the simple answer. He was charismatic and talented. He came to define Live Fast Die Young.

If he were alive today what films would he be making? River would have stolen the Bourne Identity from Matt Damon. He would have been brilliant in Gattaca, Before Sunrise, Training Day – basically Ethan Hawke would be out of a job. And there would be no Joaquin Phoenix - no Walk The Line, no Gladiator, and certainly no Buffalo Soldiers. Joaquin just couldn’t have become the great actor he is without that sadness he carries with him in each film. River would have been Leonardo Di Caprio in Gangs of New York, he would have been Brad Pitt in Spy Game. He would have beaten Robert Downey Jr to Chaplin.

He would have been great. River Phoenix would have been amazing.

My wasted youth

2006-08-13T23:50:00.000+10:00

I spend many an hour watching film previews online. I am in fact obsessed with previews often watching them repeatedly – sometimes to the point of never going to actually see the film. This may just be a symptom of my very short attention span or the fact that I have probably now seen about 10,000 films and can kind of get the idea after 3 minutes (that’s an actual figure I'm afraid – a friend of mine worked out to demonstrate why I have no real life).

So as far as previews go I currently have a top 20 but I thought I’d limit it to five just to get us started

5. 10th and Wolf (release TBA). I have whined about the lack of good rolls for James Marsden and it looks like he has finally found something half decent to sink his teeth into. He plays a marine sergeant who leaves his mob family behind to fight in desert storm only to get sucked back in by the FBI who want him to be their mole on the inside. Also stars Giovanni Ribisi (not always good but always interesting) and Brian Dennehy (anyone who doesn’t like Brian should watch Belly of an Architect and then shut the hell up). It sounds terrible I know, but trust me the preview tells me this may be great.
Best Line from Preview: When I saw my father killed outside our house I remember thinking he probably deserved it.

4. A Scanner Darkly (21.9.06) I am not as convinced by Linklater as everyone else not having the deep affection for Before Sunrise or Slackers that everyone else seems to have. But I was intrigued to learn that you can watch the first 24 minutes of A Scanner Darkly online. Having done so I can honestly say I am really looking forward to seeing this film, tried to at the film festival but it had sold out. I don’t think this weird arse animation technique Rotoscoping is going to take off but it’s great to see an American filmmaker being innovative and not abandoning storytelling at the same time.
Best Line from Preview: It may just be my imagination, but whatever is watching is not human.

3 The Fountain. (13.10.06) I really admire Darren Aranofsky as a filmmaker. Not that I can ever rewatch his films because they are so freakin disturbing. I attempted to revisit Requiem for a Dream last week and turned it off after 20 minutes as the horror of it all came flooding back to me. The Fountain doesn’t look quite so bleak. Aranofsky may think differently as it’s taken him nearly a decade to get the thing made. I have no idea what it’s about. I know there is some weird time travel involved and Hugh Jackman does a lot of running. So I’m happy with that. Aranofsky clearly had a much larger budget to work with and he looks like he’s spent his money well. The preview is spellbinding.
Best Line From Preview: Our bodies are prisons for our souls.

2. Casino Royale. (December 2006) I can’t say I am a huge fan of the 007 franchise. It’s never really done much for me. Not to say I dismiss them but I’m not rushing out to by the box sets that’s for sure. I am however a huge fan of Daniel Craig. I was in fact outraged that he would be the new Bond. Now everyone would know about him and he would stop making films like Layer Cake, Sylvia, Enduring Love and Hotel Splendide. But I have to say that this preview is absolutely exhilarating. Expect a darker, grittier Bond.
Best Line From Preview: So you want me to be half monk half hitman?

1. Talledega Nights (release 21.9.06) Will Ferell is a comedy god. If there is anything that comes as close to bringing me as much joy as Anchorman I think Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby may just do it. I love Nascar, I love John C Reilley and Gary Cole, I love the preview.
Best line so far: Help me Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft to get this fire off me!!!

Other films I’m looking forward to: Hollywoodland, 2:37.The Departed, The Wicker Man, Children of Men, The Last Kiss, The Prestige, The Illusionist, Down in the Valley, Pulse, The Book of Revelations, The Descent, Fearless, Half Nelson, Little Miss Sunshine, Running With Scissors, World Trade Center, Invincible, Babel, The Assassination of Jesse James, Ar School Confidential, Peaceful Warrior, Flyboys, Thankyou for Smoking.

phew. busy year.

Bon Voyage!

2006-07-31T17:52:00.000+10:00

Well it’s that time of year again. I must pull out my parka, prepare the sandwiches and bring plenty of change for xxl coffees as I travel to all four corners of the globe in search of new adventures, romance, drama, thrills, spills laffs and popcorn. Yes it’s my holiday time. I’ve packed my bag and I’m off to

The Melbourne International Film Festival.

Many hours have been wasted perusing the guide. Circling, highlighting, ticking and crossing are all part of the process before handing over the cold hard cash for the round the world in 16 days ticket.

I’ve done the festival differently almost every year, trying to find the perfect balance of socializing and film going. I never quite get it right but I always look back fondly at past festival highlights.

Run Ramona Run

One of my loveliest friends (hoo roo Jackie!) always tries to make it to at least a couple of sessions with me. One year we were desperate to see a new German film called Run Lola Run. Only we ended up at the wrong cinema. We had to run 4 city blocks to get to the other venue on time. We arrived panting, weezing and damp and then had to watch the very beautiful and very fit Franke Potente run for two hours. The irony was not lost on us.

It’s not easy being green…

My friend G (hoo roo Mr K!) and I had a rather bonding experience when we did a four- films-in –one-day marathon. He had a terrible hangover and had to keep leaving the queue to vomit. It was gross and funny all at the same time. We’ve been friends ever since

Again with G and my other mate M – both of whom have a penchant for all things terrifying and Japanese made me sit thru Dark Water and then teased me about screaming in the cinema – very uncool!

Other highlights over the years have included the Herzog mini festival, seeing David Cronenberg’s Existenz at the midnight screening, discovering the animation of Bill Plimpton, and catching up with friends in the queue to see Godzilla (V – we should really catch up again soon!)

They’re all a bit of a blur to me now. But there is nothing better than Melbourne at Festival time. People clap at the end of films. Everyone is cheery, even in those freaking long queues. The festival club at the forum is beautiful and all the films – good bad and ugly take me out of my world and into another. Magical.

I admit funds do not permit me to take the long trip this year- it’s just the minipass for me this time round (as apposed to the 43 films I did last year – I felt like I’d run a marathon by the end of it). But I do have some pointers for the Festival newbies…

Don’t forget to factor in meal breaks. I walked out of a Ewan McGregor film because I knew I had to get lunch before the next three sessions -insane.

Bring your own water. Jackie and I paid 4 dollars for tiny bottles of Evian after our Lola sprint. Ridiculous.

Go it alone. I have to admit that standing in queues full of happy young couples isn’t so great so I do avoid flying solo in the evening sessions but during the day there is nothing better than some obscure documentary and a cup of coffee (or in M’s case a beer – not Coopers mind you – Stella!). There are lots of other solo flyers then too. If I was brave enough I would have asked that lovely man in the green jumper whom I saw at every day session on his own to accompany me to an evening screening but alas I have no courage dear readers and the moment passed.

See things you wouldn’t normally see. I started out just seeing indie American films and animation. Now I try to see as wide a variety as possible – often just picking things because they are on at a good time. Last year I discovered how amazing a weekend can be when my friend Beck and I just went to back to back documentaries. Brilliant.

that being said if you are like me and you can’t wait for things to be released by all means go to them. I loved seeing Metallica: Some Kind of Monster and American Psycho with festival crowds – it was a real event.

Don’t limit yourself to a country/region/style. If G and M had their way we would all only watch violent, scary, insane films. Don’t let you festival buddies dictate everything you see. Better still have several festival buddies so you can get enough variety in there.

Do not assume tickets won’t sell out. They do. I’ve already missed one film this year because I am so freaking disorganized.

Remember there is always next year. Don’t panic if you haven’t gone to anything. It’ll be there for you every year. Like the perfect holiday destination it is…

The Windy City

2006-07-24T15:12:00.000+10:00

There has been much talk lately around the Couchville campfire about New York City. My spiritual home and number 1 destination features in dozens of the films that grace my DVD collection. I considered doing a list of my all time favorite NYC films but it’s almost too obvious. I mean do you really want to read my opinions on Woody Allen (Genius) Spike Lee (Auteur) Martin Scorsese (Royalty) or even Hal Hartley (Love of my Life)?

Well maybe you do. But instead I want to turn your attention to another great town

The windy city of Chicago.

It just seems to be the featured city a lot of films I’ve seen recently. I rewatched The Untouchables, While You Were Sleeping and High Fidelity all in the space of a week and there it was in each one.

What do I think of when I think of Chicago? ER, Oprah, gangsters, the blues, snow, firemen, that river, those trains. A tough city. A dirty city. A place that if you aren’t born there you’ll never understand. Here now is my

Top Five Chicago Movies

5. Blues Brothers (1980)
And I quote:
Elwood: I'm gonna quit work first thing in the morning.

Jake: And how are you gonna get to work Mr Lead Foot, Mr Hot Rod, Mr Motor Head? Those cops took your license away. They got your name, your address.

Elwood: No they don't got my address. I falsified my renewal. I put 1060 West Addison.

Jake: 1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field!

4. Ordinary People (1980) Cold Chicago. This is actually in my Top 20 all time favourite films so I could bang on about it for a whole blog entry. Mary Tyler Moore gives one of the great ‘ice mother’ performances ever on screen. The film of course is owned by a young and vulnerable Timothy Hutton. great shots of Chicago when Donald Sutherland confesses to his business partner that things aren’t so great on the home front.

3. High Fidelity (2000). I wasn’t one of those anxious Nick Hornby fans terrified that the soul of his book would be destroyed in its transatlantic move. I was one of these anxious John Cusack fans who were worried he was doomed to being in shit films like Pushing Tin. Of course this film also unleashed Jack Black on the world for which I will be forever grateful. I think everyone was happy with the outcome – and let’s face it Hornby is really responsible for the Top 5 becoming the list of choice.

2. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986). Anyone who does not love this film is off my Christmas card list. Really. I mean it. Having watched this again recently I was overcome with nostalgia. I don’t love it the way I did when I was 16, and it’s funny now to think of whole new generations becoming attached to this film. Part of me wants to say ‘hands off! You got American Pie now leave us alone!” but I know in my heart that Ferris would have wanted to share the love with everyone.

1 The Untouchables (1987). Rewatching this last week I was reminded of a time when Kevin Costner was fantastic to watch. When this came out he was being dubbed the new Redford. Alas that was not to be Takeaway the script by David Mamet and the direction of Brian De Palma and all you got left is Costner, not much chop on his own I’m afraid.

The Untouchables is a study in clever filmmaking, fine editing and a perfect musical score along with pitch perfect performances from Connery, Garcia, and Costner. The city at the time was gripped by prohibition and owned by Al Capone and a corrupt and powerless police force. It's an amazing true story of Eliot Ness and his team taking back Chicago in a great David and Goliath tale.
And Costner has come good again with The Upside of Anger.

Other good Chicago films

Hoop Dreams (one of the best sports films ever made)
The Sting (yummo. Redford and Newman in their pinup boy days)
Adventures in Babysitting (for those that haven’t seen this, it’s a great treat)
Backdraft (ok so it’s not a great film, but hey it does have firemen)
Chicago (noisy, lush, full on assault of the senses that couldn’t go unmentioned)

You can't choose your family but

2006-07-18T17:12:00.000+10:00

The Family Stone
There are just some films that slip through the cracks. For some reason you just don’t get around to them when they hit the cinema. Often it’s because in the back of your head you think ‘I can wait for the DVD'. The Family Stone was one of these. It jsut wasn't going to get me into the cinema.
I was completely over Sarah Jessica Parker despite having liked her in many previous films (If Lucy Fell is a guilty pleasure I can heartily recommend). But you know what? I got so sick of her being shoved into my line of vision as the style icon of my generation. And it’s not for the obvious reason – namely she probably weighs as much as my right thigh. I’ve got no problem with skinny and I completely get why it is considered beautiful. I consider it beautiful. That’s fine. I like her quirky ugly pretty face and that mass of hair – it’s all good.
But enough already.
You know what – shove me into vintage Yves Saint Laurent and give me a dozen stylists I may scrub up ok too – but it sure as hell won’t make me a style icon. Anyway I digress…
The family Stone just kept bleeping away on my radar and I’ve kind of figured out why. It’s about family. And if there is one genre I really really love it is The Dysfunctional Family. Everyone has one so it stands to reason there have been a few good films made about them. I loved the Family Stone, it surprised me. It made me want to revisit all those other crazy families I’d loved over the years…

Five key elements

1. Very Crazy Parents.
Yes I guess the most obvious choice here would be Robert De Niro’s turn in Meet the Parents but that is almost too obvious. For my money you can’t go past Gene Hackman as Royal Tenenbaum. But I’m also very fond of Patricia Clarkson and Oliver Platt in Pieces of April which falls into another fave category - the Thanksgiving Film.
The Family Stone takes place at Christmas and the crazy parents are Diane Keaton and Craig T Nelson. They swing between being unlikable to loveable all the way back to complex and heartbreaking in the space of 10 minutes. Beautiful and subtle performances from both of them.

2. The weird/kooky/wayward Sibling
Nothing beats Robert Downey Junior in Home for the Holidays. Nothing. But I tell ya Tom Hulce in Parenthood is the most wayward of them all and it’s his one great role (forget Amadeus – try seeing him tell his dad Jason Robards that his life has turned to hell in a hand basket –great scene).
The Family Stone does have the lovely Luke Wilson who can charm the pants off anyone. Rachel McAdams (whom I really am warming to, is it just me?) as the nasty sister is just so horrible it’s amazing how you still like her by the end of the film.Of course if you want the sexiest sibling go straight to Bill Pullman in While You Were Sleeping. Nothing is hotter than a man that can build a chair.

3. The Love Interest that Brings the Family Together.
See you think that it’s going to be Sarah Jessica Parker but when her sister (Claire Danes all grown up) arrives in town things take a twist. Let’s just say it’s a little unexpected who rescues whom. Dermot Mulroney as the good man is playing to type – see my Best Friends Wedding and you’ll know he can do this material in his sleep. There is one scene in The Family Stone where he’s allowed to get a bit messy. He’s great. Shame he’s so good looking. He’s the new Pierce Brosnan I’m sure of it. Best Love Interest in this cateogory goes to dreamboat Dylan McDermott in Home For the Holidays.

4. The Dinner Table
It all winds up at the dinner table at some point. What better place to really understand the family dynamic? You only have to watch the dinner scene in Hannah and Her Sisters to see the whole film laid out in front of you. For the greatest dinner scene go straight for the undervalued Katie Holmes flick (yes she was good once) Pieces of April. Talk about a Turkey Trial (it gets cooked in three different apartments). in The Family Stone they don’t quite make it to the table – most of the food end up on the floor…

5. The House.
The house is almost always another character in the film and this is true of The Family Stone. Remember those long cold corridors of The Ice Storm? The still life neat as a pin rooms of Ordinary People? My favorite dysfunctional family home was that house in On Golden Pond. Dreamy. Of course in Life as a House it becomes a metaphor for the entire film. The Family Stones abode is chaotic and warm and weird and great – a lot like the Family Stone.

Dysfunctional Family Movies I love:

The Royal Tenenbaums
Home for the Holidays
ParenthoodLife as a House
The Ice Storm
The Safety of Objects
Ordinary People
Beautiful People
The Myth of Finger Prints
The Day Trippers.
Hannah and Her Sisters.
The Substance of Fire.

Au Revoir

2006-07-06T09:22:00.000+10:00

Dear John,

you introduced me to every Fred Astaire movie. You taught me about Westerns, Noir, and why Gary Cooper really was Super Dooper. You were so cool. Thankyou for everything.

RIP

John Hinde 1914 -2006

ABC PM Transcript

up up and away

2006-06-30T00:11:00.000+10:00

I was one of the first in line on Thursday to see the opening screenings of Superman Returns. I brought with it high expectations and a deep affection for the character. My mother had taken me to Superman 1 when I was 7 years old. She had wanted to share the Man of Steel that she had loved since childhood – her Superman was George Reeves not Christopher. We still rate it as one of our fondest memories of my childhood and every now and then we reminisce at how amazing those opening credits were as we hum John Williams' iconic theme.

27 years later we both took my 11 year old daughter to a rerun of the film at ACMI last year. She’s a pretty sophisticated kid having watched enough television to make up the quotas of several class mates who are forbidden such a luxury. Even she was still moved by this classic comic book tale. So it was with enormous anxiety and hope that the three of us stood in line tonight for one of the first screenings of Superman returns.

I wasn’t too worried. I’d been following its progress online through Bryan Singers video diaries. I had read countless interviews with him and I knew that his heart was really in it. I think Bryan Singer, who would have been 13 years old when he first saw Superman, has not really made a film. He’s made a lovely sweeping homage to a film, one that he clearly loves and respects. There were so many references to what had gone before, even down to lines of dialogue, what the characters wore. You see Clark and Lois get stuck in a revolving door, sunrise over the Kent farm, Lex Luthor even says “so long Superman’ and yes those opening credits are the same.

To be honest with you I don’t think Singer had much choice. Deviate too far from the original material and the movie tanks. Be respectful enough so fans will be happy, and give a couple of added bonuses to keep them guessing. I’ll be much more interested to see what he does with the second film. Because we’ll trust him enough to let him do what he wants. It’s a tried and true formula. Singer gave us pure XMen in the first film, the Singer Xmen for the second. I think many would argue that the second is a better film.

And what of Brandon Routh? He had big boots to fill and he did an admiral job. He filled the suit physically there is no denying that. A man that can make Kate Bosworth look plain is really quite a specimen. But I was most struck by his voice. So full of kindness and sadness, perfect. It’s hard to believe he was just working in a bar in LA. Do people who look like that really just have ordinary lives? Again, as with so many details in the film I felt that his casting was not so much about filling Supermans shoes but filling Reeves.

Problem is Christopher Reeve turned out to really be a Superman. There is no filling those shoes.

Kate Bosworth is not half as bad as I was expecting her to be. Kidder always seemed to old, too cynical to ever be a likable Lois Lane. And poor old James Marsden gets cast as the man who comes second yet again. He’s now got a trifecta as the loser boyfriend (The Notebook, XMen and now SR) what is it about this guy that he keeps getting cast in these roles? He’s nice to look at, great teeth, full head of hair. I’m tired of seeing him not get the girl, somebody throw him a bone.

Kevin Spacey? You know Kevin Spacey gives me the creeps. There is something not quite right about him. That’s why he is so good as Lex Luthor. So much harder, genuinely threatening, really really insane. Parker Posey is way too much as his mole. She's no Miss Teschmacher that’s for sure. I normally like Posey but she’s too arch next to Spaceys more sinister take on the character. And when she finally comes through for the team it's a little unbelievable.

It’s a tad long at nearly 2.5 hours and the cgi gets pushed to its limits. If you don’t bring with it a whole lot of emotional ties you may be disappointed, I don’t know. It’s one film I cannot be subjective about. Like Star Wars it’s a film that changed my life, changed my relationship to cinema (they made me fall in love, and I’ve been swooning ever since). I don’t think it will change my daughters life but she thought Superman Returns was fantastic. My mother made us stay through half an hour of end credits (respect!) and I, well I came home and sat down at midnight to write this blog entry. Three generations of movie geek left the cinema happy.

super kewell

2006-06-23T09:18:00.000+10:00

Dear Harry,

Please excuse the lack of formality in this letter. But I think for a man that has made me laugh, cry and almost go into cardiac arrest in one week we must now be on a first name basis.

I am an early riser and so it wasn’t hard to roll out of bed in the small hours of the morning to watch your game against Croatia. I’ll admit your league is not one I know much about. My heart belongs to AFL and we are at a very complex time in our season but I was prepared, like all good armchair sports fans to be your back up here on home ground.

I’d done my research. I know more about the Liverpool football club than is really necessary (well done on that goal against Tottenham in January. I’d say your ankle is well healed and you’re on your way for Goal of the Season). After watching reruns of your past ten (!) goals for LFC I could see what all the fuss was about this week with your rumble with FIFA.

What you did in the 79th minute of the game was quite simply one of the most beautiful moments in Australian sporting history. It was at once elegant and ruthless. How you managed to dance with that ball after running what seemed to be continuously for over an hour is beyond the understanding of us mere mortals. This morning you are a god.

See you Tuesday morning Harry.

Cheers young man

Ramona

PS. Please pass on a cheerio to Mark Viduka and Craig Moore, both of whom I have fallen madly in love with.

It's not me, it's you

2006-06-20T11:22:00.000+10:00

Amazon has long been a friend of mine. It rescued me from despair when channel 9 cut West Wing off at the knees, in gave me Curb your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development and Northern Exposure in pristine DVD shrink wrapped heaven. It sent me books on Woody Allen, Davids Lynch and Cronenberg and yes, yes, the Muppet Show box set.

Why oh why has everything now gone terribly wrong?
I trundled over there this morning to Ramona’s Store (a store? just for me? you do love my visa card don’t you!) to see what new recommendations have come up. What I saw turned my blood cold. That chill you get when you know a relationship is coming to an end. And you know you are the one that is going to pull the pin.

As Good as it Gets (recommended to you because you said you own Lost in Translation)
Girl with a Pearl Earring (recommended to you because you said you own Lost in Translation)
Before Sunrise (recommended to you because you said you own Lost in Translation)
The Last Samurai (recommended to you because you said you own Lost in Translation)
Lord of The Rings (recommended to you because you said you own Lost in Translation)

Is this your way of telling me you don’t love me anymore? You really know how to hurt a girl don’t you?

First of all. I NEVER said that I owned Lost in Translation. I saw it once at the cinema and was so bored I think I may have nodded off at one point. Every single scene was between 45 seconds to 2 minutes too long. Over an hour and a half that starts to add up. I came out surprised it was still daylight.

Lost in Translation was like water torture. Only made worse by the fact that everyone else on the planet though it was the work of genius. I wanted to hunt that Coppola girl down and give her a slap. That’s alright; I hear that her latest self indulgence Marie Antoinette was booed at Cannes…oh how the pretentious have fallen.

The last scene of Lost in Translation was very good for two reasons 1) we could not hear what either insipid character was saying and 2) it was the end of the film.

So no Mr Amazon I do not and have never claimed to own Lost in Translation.

Therefore

As Good As it Gets was a nasty piece of work that was dressed up as feel good chick flick. It made women of ALL ages feel crap about themselves not just the usual 30-45 age group. I guess maybe that was a good thing. Grandmothers could be depressed with granddaughters for once. Helluva way to bring generations of women together.

Girl with a Pearl Earring. I didn’t see it. I can’t watch Scarlett Johansson in anything (can you tell?) except Ghostworld. She relishes her role as object. I don’t need to pay money to see that. Yes she is beautiful, but you know what? Most actresses are. It’s part of their job. Big deal. I love looking at beautiful things as much as the next person. She can’t act. That’s what I have a problem with.

I will never forgive anyone who had anything to do with the abomination that was Love Actually (one day I will unleash my fury on that film, but not today). So now Colin Firth is of the list too.

Before Sunrise is rediculous. I suspect it is for very young women who are still optimistically thinking that men will say what they mean, keep promises and be excellent kissers. I'm sure it helps if the girls men are with are complete strangers they will never see again. That is until the sequel...

The Last Samurai has Tom Cruise in it. Enough said.

Bored of the Rings. Enough said.

So I went into my Amazon profile an unchecked the box next to Lost in Translation.
I refreshed my recommendations. And all was forgiven.

Syriana
Justice League – series 2
Firefly
Band of Brothers
The Unbelievable Truth

Hold up. Wait a sec. they’ve released the entire Hal Hartley back catalogue on DVD???

Where is my visa card!
I heart Amazon

I Wonder

2006-06-13T11:21:00.000+10:00

Ok no one could be happier than me that Joss Whedon (I bow down before thee oh mighty one) has been given the monumental task of bringing Wonder Woman to the big screen but I have to say I am not happy, not happy at all, with the rumored list of actresses up for the plum role

We have
Lucy Lawless (who will only ever be Xena)
Sarah Michelle Gellar (who will only ever be Buffy)
Kim Basinger (who could at this point in her early 50’s could play WW’s mother)
Jessica Alba (yes she can pull of a stars and stripes bustier, but we need soul people!)
Katie Holmes (who is lost to us all)
Michelle Rodriguez (who is just Lost in more ways than one)
Mischa Barton (the new it girl is almost already yesterdays news)
Jennifer Connelly (are you serious?)
Charlize Theron (smart, beautiful, earnest, can act if pushed. Aeon Flux anyone?)
Lindsay Lohan (too young)
And the beautiful Aiswarya Rai (already a wonder woman but not Wonder Woman).

This is my shortlist.

1. An unknown
2. An unknown
3. An unknown
4. An unknown
5. An unknown.

When I was a kid Wonder Woman was one of my all time favorite comic books and TV shows. I was always torn between her and the Bionic Woman but if you were to throw the golden lasso of truth around me I’d have to say that Diana Prince and her super heroine alter ego were the tops. In a world of Daisy Dukes and Marcia Bradys it was so exciting to see what a real goddess could do, especially with an invisible plane – boy could that thing fly!

So of course the image of Lynda Carter is firmly planted in my heart. Faced with the same dilemma as Bryan Singer for Superman Returns does Josh Whedon really have a choice? With such an iconic role we can’t be thinking ‘oh there’s Buffy kicking butt again’ or ‘Why is Xena wearing that gold headband?’

So Josh. I think I still have my costume somewhere. I can honestly claim to be a complete unknown. I could easily dust it off and kick some evil doers butt.
Mind you I was four years old last time I wore it, I may need to get it altered somewhat. Maybe if I spin around really really fast…

Whaddya reckon? There’s a little Wonder Woman in all of us after all.

Now the theme song:

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world's waiting for you,
and the power you possess.

In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.

Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.

Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.

Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fall,
Change their minds, and change the world.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman.

What was that ruckus? I heard a ruckus.

2006-06-07T09:17:00.000+10:00

> I was saddened to learn of the passing of father, husband, published poet and actor Paul Gleason (age 67) on May 27th to a rare form of lung cancer linked to asbestos. One of the all time great character actors he appeared in almost every tv show put to air inthe past ten years.

Seinfeld, Friends, Grace Under Fire, Malcolm in the Middle, Cold Case, Dawsons Creek, The Guardian, The Drew Carey Show, Melrose Place, Veronicas Closet, News Radio, Miami Vice, The Wonder Years, Dallas, The A Team, Cagney and Lacey and Hill Street Blues just to name a few.
He also popped up in movies like Trading Places, Arthur and Die Hard.

But really he's known for one role and one role only. That of Principal Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club (1985). In his honour I give you one of the great scenes for this seminal 80's film

Richard Vernon: That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not throwing it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and forgotten about this place and they forgotten about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

Bender: You threating me?

Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of monkey shit, and everyone knows about it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know how tough you are. Let's go. C'mon man, just take the first shot. I'm begging you, take the first shot. Just take one good swing... [Bender pauses, staring]

Richard Vernon: Yeah, that's what I thought. You're a gutless turd.

>

Rest in Peace Principal Vernon.

x marks the spot

2006-06-05T13:16:00.000+10:00

XMEN: The last Stand

I wasn’t expecting anything and I got a little bit more than I’d hoped for. Maybe it was because it was Friday night and I’d had a bad week. A guy I liked rejected me, friends stood me up and I got a toothache. I was grumpy and I needed an escape route. So I bundled my crew into the sirion to go see XMen 3. I found myself kinda sorta enjoying it. But in the same way I enjoyed the jumbo box of popcorn that came in with us, great at the time but made me a mite queasy for nutrition later.

Let’s start with what I did like about the film. A big thank you goes out to the costume designer who decided that Wolverine needed to be in a singlet for most of the picture. As you can see this was an excellent choice. As my friend Beck said “It’s porn you can take kids to!” how right she was. Hugh Jackman literally makes me weak at the knees so it’s just as well I’m always in a cinema when I see him. There is talk of a solo Wolverine film which, depending on the director, is something to look forward to.

Ah now. The Director.

Our comic book lovin’ hearts collectively cracked when we heard that Bryan Singer had abandoned the Xmen franchise for the much greener pastures of Superman. I for one was so conflicted! I understood his decision but how could he walk away from what he had started?
Then the unthinkable happened. They hired Brett “I need another explosion after that sexist one liner!” Ratner. We all knew the film was going to hell in a hand basket. Ratner is responsible for such abominations as Rush Hour (1,2,3 and now 4!), After The Sunset and a slew of Mariah Carey and Madonna videos. My God there was no hope.

Other problem was Halle Berry. Not much chop in the first two and on the strength of Monsters Ball and the gold statuette that came with it (yawn yawn yawn) was able to demand her part be pumped up along with her cleavage and hair. Not to worry, she still came out of it looking daft. What we really wanted was more Rebecca Romijn as Mystique whose part was downgraded for no good reason!

We did get plenty more Famke Janssen who my mate Michael reckons is the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Fair enough too, she is lovely. Her Pheonix is a great tragic figure and she gives it a really dignified edge that was not in the script. When she implores Wolverine to kill her it is genuinely shocking. I don’t understand why we don’t see this actress more.

In Ratners defense he does do a great action sequence and some of them zing along at a terrific pace. But there is far too many of them and you get tired pretty quickly with all the rushing around. Some of them are cringe worthy. I don’t think Magneto really had to move the Golden Gate Bridge just to get to Alcatraz Island, it was excessive even for him.

What did I hate about the film? The music was awful, Halle Berry, dumb one liners, awkward crowd scenes (the worst extras I’ve ever seen on screen) and weak plot devices, weird extra characters that literally have nothing to do. The kid with wings was nice, but really did we need such an obvious link to the neXt generation of the franchise? And my very smart daughter aged 11 said “Why are all the bad guys dressed like Goths?” good freaking point.

I do think that we ask way too much of these comic book adaptations. I know Xmen is meant to be a great analogy of current events (gay rights, genetic testing, stem cell research, tyrannical governments) but really we are so far gone this in not the time for analogy, metaphor or fable. We need to face those things head on in super obvious ways, not through Patrick Stewart levitating out of his wheelchair.

Many of us grew up, continue, to read comic books and we rip films like XMen 3 to shreds because they don’t live up to our exacting standards. The dread we all feel knowing Nicholas Cage has done Ghost Rider, the pain of Tank Girl, Judge Dredd, Fantastic 4. Nothing can live up to the experience we had when entering these worlds through the magic of pen and ink. Unfortunately you get some great adaptations like Sin City and Batman Returns which just highlight how bad the others are.

So yes it’s a bad film. Nowhere near as interesting as the first two. Yes it is shallow, loud and kind of obnoxious. But what do you want for a 200 million dollar film that was built to make money out of happy meal toys and supersize me coke and popcorn combos? If it costs that much they’ve got to make it back. It’s junk food not high art.

We’ll get over it pretty quickly. Superman lands in our laps soon, and Bryan Singer will have us back in our happy place again.

Warning Spoilers Below

2006-06-02T11:08:00.000+10:00

It all started with the film Flightplan. I knew instinctively that it was a bad movie and I just didn’t have the time or energy to fork out the cash to go see it. I’m down to one cinema experience a week so I have to be judicious and I’ve made some notoriously bad choices in the past couple of years (Saw, King Kong, The Constant Gardener, Mission Impossible etc).

Problem with Flightplan was that no one else was going to see it either. And I really really needed to know. Was the kid alive? Was Jodi Foster going completely mad? Was Rachel McAdams a blow up doll?

And the previews, the previews were driving me nuts! I’ve gone to see some real turkeys because the preview hasn’t revealed the twist ending and I have a low tolerance level for not knowing. Just ask movie buddy Michael who I forced to tell me scene by scene the horrors of Wolf Creek. But Flightplan was different. It was sending me into some weird frenzy and I almost, almost, went to the cinema just to scratch that itch (ewww).

Until I found www.themoviespoiler.com.

This has become one of my all time favorite websites. People send detailed and complete descriptions of absolutely every film in release – often with their own hilarious sidebars. It is literally like having a mate sit down and have coffee with you and say “Don’t see it, it’s crap, and here is the plot”.

It’s such a relief! I didn’t have to suffer through Basic Instinct 2, Final Destination 2 or Firewall. I could laugh at the antics of The House of Wax, The Hills have Eyes and Saw 2. I could confirm that Doom made no sense, Elizabethtown is Cameron Crowe’s most pathetic film and that M's description of Wolf Creek was very very accurate.

And that Jodi Foster was not crazy.

Weirdly enough after reading some of these spoilers I did end up seeing the films. I didn’t think Flightplan was great, but it wasn’t that bad. Hostel was nasty as hell, much nastier on screen than in the spoiler and The Squid and the Whale is Jeff Daniels best performance. Munich wasn’t half as flabby as expected and Paris Hilton cannot act but it is fun watching her screaming.

As for the DaVinci Code, I haven’t read the book, I won’t see the film but I’m really glad to know the plot. It gets my vote for comedy of the year.

moviespoiler

workin hard to make a livin

2006-05-29T12:20:00.000+10:00

There has been alotta talk about work lately among my circle of friends. Some of us don’t have any, some of us don’t want any, others are looking for escape routes as we speak. But there is one amongst us, my dear friend Sonie, who saw a job in the paper she really liked, put in an application, interviewed for it and got the job. Snaps for Sonie!

In honor of her first week I’d like to recommend some DVDS for her to watch, not just for inspiration but for a good laugh too – which I think all Social Workers need. In fact all workers need a laugh at the end of a long day on the job. So here it is.

5. Clockwatchers. With a tag line of Four Girls Four Dreams One Office how can you go wrong with this goofy 1997 comedy? Starring Parker Posey, Lisa Kudrow and Toni Collette as the temps who let things get a little out control. It plays for old fashioned laughs and some very funny site gags. It’s so beautifully cast and captures the rigid boredom and the weird friendships that can be had waiting for 5pm to come round.
Best Line: “The only real challenge with this job, is trying to look busy when there's nothing to do”

4. Nine to Five. Ok it’s an obvious choice but do you remember just how funny this film really is? The magic trio of Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton as the down trodden secretaries who exact revenge on their leering boss is a little dated but still sharply written and rollicks along at a fine pace. And look, the theme song is worth the price of admission.
Best Line: “Oh, God. They know about the rat poison. I might as well just turn myself in”

3. Working Girl. I don’t care what anyone says I loved it then and I love it now. The only time Harrison Ford ever really convinced me he was a romantic lead (han solo doesn’t count, because han solo is real right?) The only time Melanie Griffith looked sober on screen (even when playing drunk). It captured the corporate 80’s better than Wall Street and was a really nice love story. Watch out for David Duchovny as an extra at the engagement party (blink and you’ll miss him). Weird trivia- they tried doing a sitcom based on the film starring Sandra Bullock- there is no way her hair would have been big enough.
Best Line: “I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?”

2. Fight Club. You know Sonie is not going to like this film at all but any time I can mention it I will. Yes I am one of those very predictable GenXrs who think that writer Chuck Palahniuk is some kind of god. I saw the film maybe 10 times at the movies and pre ordered it on DVD. Weirdly enough I’m sort of over it now and only revisit the book. Not a film about work so much as an anti work film. Great for the chronically depressed for a bit of fire in the belly. Sonie can watch it in 6 months time but those of you strapped to your desks may need it sooner.
Best Line: “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

1. Office Space (1999). My all time favorite work related movie. This is the only thing I can really watch Jennifer Aniston in without feeling queasy (ok she’s not that bad). From the creator of my beloved Beavis and Butthead (cue snigger) Mike Judge and starring the lovely lovely Ron Livingston. No film better describes the hell of cubicle life.
One of many best lines: “No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I'll just kick this piece of shit out the window”.

Hard Rock Hallelujah!

2006-05-23T23:49:00.000+10:00

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You know I should have put money on it. I had them picked following the prelims on Friday night. But who would have guessed that pseudo death metal group Lordi were capable of bringing home the gold for Finland at this years sensational Eurovision Song Contest?

Original they may not be, europop they certainly are not. But they are joyous, riotous and a good poke in the eye for all those Abba wannabees that churn out the same bad 2 minutes of dross every year.

No wonder Europe rewarded them with a record breaking 292 point victory. Note that this is more points than all past Finnish entries combined. There is a victory parade in their honour in Helsinki this week. Those of you that can't make it can enjoy their peformance via the video courtesy of the wonder that is YouTube complete with weird greek promo introduction and cheeky comments by that classic euro prankster Terry Wogan. One for the fans!

Gimme the keys, I'll drive...

2006-05-11T23:16:00.000+10:00

It’s a red letter week here in Couchville. I get to peel the P Plates off my car after three years of sobriety and some hair raising driving moments. Learning to drive at the age of 30 is no small thing. I had been lucky enough to live in the inner city where it was unnecessary and expensive to own a car. But life took some strange turns and I needed wheels. It took me 12 months of one hour lessons but I finally passed my test. And now three years later I can’t believe I did it! So to celebrate my milestone I thought I’d share with you my top 4 favorite car movies.

Christine (1983): when I was a kid I took the dustcover off Dr Doolittle and put it on the hardcover of Christine so I could sneaky read it in my very strict catholic primary school which had banned Stephen King for all eternity (him and Kiss lunchboxes). Scared the bejeezus outta me and possibly the Jesus outa me too.

I loved this John Carpenter movie adaptation. The car was suitably menacing, the teens were cute and the music, well yeah it was that weird John Carpenter music. I have great fondness for the lead actor a young Kieth Gordon who went on to direct one of my top 100 films –an adaptation of the Robert Cormier classic The Chocolate War (1988).

The Love Bug (1968). I’m talking the original and the best. Not the latest Lohan mish mash (not that I hate Lohan, she seems to be the best of a bad bunch). But this was a Disney feature back in the day Disney was doing good work. And it starred their stalwart Dean Jones who was always so appealing. And the car, that was a rockin’ cool car.

Duel (1971). An obvious choice I know but one I can’t resist. You’d be surprised how many of my friends count this as one of their favorites. It’s a film that can only work as a film, it’s a purely visual story. There is very little dialogue, lots of wide angle shots of long winding desert roads. And one mutha of a truck bearing down on us in a relentless road rage that would only end in tears. Spielberg is a genius. Well he was then…

The Fast and the Furious (2001). Now ok just hold on. Before you fall off your chair laughing I actually think this is a really fantastic movie. Ok so it has all the clichés - hot cars, fast women, undercover cops, criminal with a heart of gold. It’s essentially Point Break in cars. It has a great energy to it, and it’s funny and knowing.

Vin Diesel is quite a dish but not quite as delicious as Paul Walker who really was the eye candy for girls so they’d take their dumb boyfriends to the film. The very best thing about it? The stunts are all real. No CGI nonsense. One of the most famous stunts where a car drives under the carriage of a moving semi was performed by a woman stunt driver. So now I’m off my P Plates I could apply for her cool job right?

Maybe I need to do that defensive driving course first.

Honorable Mentions:

LeMans
Bullit
Cannonball Run
Ronin
The Cars that Ate Paris
The Italian Job

Please note Car movies are different to Road movies and Duel is both. More on that some other time…

cruisin for a bruisin

2006-05-08T23:09:00.000+10:00

You know I’m pretty easy to please. Gimme a big screen, fill it with good lookin’ people doing fancy things, a fat soundtrack and a wiz plot and I’m there opening weekend. So it was no surprise that this past Saturday night I dragged my long suffering movie buddy Michael to Mission Impossible 3.

Now Michael has been pretty patient with me over the years. He sat through Saw because I told him it was going to be great (how wrong I was) he missed Kinsey because I hate Liam Neeson so would always find something better to go see, and last year he suffered through the relentless War of The Worlds (Spielberg, so we had to go).

Mind you he did force me to see every Bored of the Rings and the dull as dishwater King Kong not to mention countless Japanese horror movies so I guess we’re even.

Why did I think Mission Impossible 3 would be good? I can’t quite tell you.

I must admit Tom was not the only problem. But he was one of them that’s for sure…

Problem 5: Tom. It’s very easy to hate Tom Cruise, almost too easy and I wasn’t prepared to write him off just because he jumped on Oprah’s couch or called Brooke Shields a drug peddler. These things are just embarrassing and seem to be symptomatic of a middle aged man with too much money and ego having a crisis despite ‘having it all’. That kind of stuff doesn’t really bother me too much. He’s a dickhead, I think we all know that. In fact in a recent survey Americans said they would prefer to go camping with Saddam Hussein than Tom Cruise.

I have no problem with bad actors being stars. I think actors and superstars are two different things. Not that you can’t be both but that’s kind of rare. In fact I’m trying to name some real superstars who are better than good and to be honest with you it’s a struggle. They just don’t need to be. Why bother if you’re still getting paid 20 million a picture?

But they do need to be likeable. Cruise is just a nasty piece of work. This is now emanating from every pore like a foul stench of corruption and scientology- induced psychosis. You can never for one minute believe in the character of Ethan Hunt. It is just a two hour commercial for Brand Cruise. And I aint buying.

Problem 4: Precedent. The TV series was supercool. The first film was half decent. In fact the first 40 minutes are so well crafted they are always worth a rewatch when it comes on tv. The stunts were great (remember the fishtank?) and it did everything a film like Mission Impossible is meant to do, it entertained. The second one was pretty nuts, but worth it for the Woo factor.

40 minutes into MI3 I was ready for a nap.

I don’t know if you can make action films this dumb anymore. It will be interesting to see how the new Bond fares. I think the Bourne Identity and Supremacy have set a new standard in the genre. They were smart and thrilling all at once. Is that too much to ask for?

Problem 3: Co stars. I never thought I’d say it but Phillip Seymour Hoffman was terrible. Lawrence Fishburne was terrible. I hope the paychecks were worth it. Of course I’ll forgive them, it’s not like they had much to work with. The girls were utterly forgettable, so much so I can’t even be bothered talking about them. Jonathan Rhys Myers is always terrible – you can bet money on that.

Problem 2: Soundtrack. My c.d collection is 75% movie soundtracks. I will not be buying this one. We heard the fantastic theme music once. Composer Michael Giacchino is all full of bluster and brass. No good. He is also behind most of the cheesy music in Alias, which explains why this hack was hired in the first place.

Problem 1: JJ Abrams. The most overrated director working today. The so-called genius behind Lost, Felicity and Alias. In fact the best way to describe MI3 - a double episode of Alias. Lots of costume changes, implausible plot devices, lots of running, starting the film at the end. Diabolical baddies, double crossing goodies, even the goofy tech guy who saves the day.

Not one orginal idea in the whole mess.

Abrams was hand picked by Cruise whom I guess is now such a control freak he virtually directed the film – I have never seen so many close ups of Tom Cruise in two hours. It was making me queezy.

This is not to say great directors can’t come from tv – hey if you’d given this to Joss Whedon (lovely genius…did you know he’s doing Wonderwoman- thank the lord!) then at least the jokes would have been funny.

So that’s it. No more Tom Cruise for me. I’ll try and forget Taps, Born on The Fourth of July, Magnolia, The Color of Money and Collateral. I will always remember Mission Impossible 3.

I want my money back so I can go buy a ‘Free Katie’ t-shirt.

Boy George!

2006-05-06T01:10:00.000+10:00

Birthday Greetings go out today to Mr George Clooney.

Our modern day Clark Gable is one of the only actors today who can make women swoon. Not just salivate but really feel giddy. No one looks better in a suit, no one is more self deprecating, charming and, god should I say it, ‘debonair’. Of course when I say women I guess I mean me. And yes he may be more fabulous than even I know but no matter.

I loved him as Doctor Ross in E.R and I love him still.

George is what you’d call ‘dependable’. He always gives you a good performance, a solid go at it. But he’s always George, no more no less. Of course on top of this he’s a terrific director and he’s going to ease into old age Redford style –with dignity. I don’t think you could get a more confident directorial debut than ‘Confessions of a Dangerous Mind’(2002). And I've already called Goodnight and Goodluck (2005) a masterful film on several occasions

Now if we can just get him to stop making sequels to Oceans 11 he’d be perfect.

Best Clooney Films

From Dusk Til Dawn (1996) – this piece of mayhem from Robert Rodriguez co-starred an over zealous Quentin Tarantino and an oversexed Salma Hayak. Bloody thirsty and crazy vampire flick that makes me cheer.

Out Of Sight (1998) Remember a time when we all though Jennifer Lopez could act? Well it was because of this film. George plays it super cool in this Soderbergh special. Playing the criminal with a heart of gold the clichés get ramped up to the point where they even reference the clichés – there is lovely scene between J.Lo and George in the boot of a car where they discuss Dunaway and Redford in Three Days of the Condor. Swell. It helps when it’s based on an Elmore Leonard novel.

Oh Brother Where Art Thou? (2000) a far more successful pairing of George with the Brothers Coen than the weaker Intolerable Cruelty (2003). This film has real poetry to it. He’s so fine as Ulysses in this folksy retelling of the epic story. They don’t take it too seriously. As wacky as all get out, it feels like old world Hollywood. I can imagine Gable so clearly in the same part.

Solaris (2002). Soderbergh again but very very different. This film I just never tire of and it has flitted around my top ten on and off for a couple of years. It’s a heartbreaker. George left his usual charm at the door and really worked on this film. It’s probably his finest acting performance. Do not see it if nursing a bruised and battered heart.

Three Kings (1999) you know of course this desert storm film is all about Mark Wahlberg (what a revelation!) but there is a scene at the end where George has to make a decision to do the smart thing or the right thing (not gonna tell, rent it for gods sake. No don’t rent it BUY it you cheap and lazy bugger). This is a theme that run through all of his films. The one thing you know about George: He’s the good guy.

Oceans 11 (2001). Ok I know. Why? Because it is just so incredibly hot. They all looked like they had so much fun on this movie. Just fun being them, being that good looking, that well paid. And if you’ve seen the original you’ll know that this is a really sharp film. A great great soundtrack. A tight script. The perfect crime, the crack team and really nice suits. A guilty pleasure. That’s not to say I endorse Oceans 12 or the upcoming Oceans 13. Stop it boys you’re ruining it for us!

Let’s try and forget:

The PeaceMaker
One Fine Day
Batman Returns

I haven’t mention Syriana, I know I should have but I still haven’t seen it. Bad I know.

Happy 44th Birthday George! Here's lookin' at you kid...

What are you lookin' at?

2006-04-30T19:56:00.000+10:00

It is not uncommon for a friend to ask me on Monday “So what’s on this week?” for normal people who have rich and fulfilling social lives the answer may be “work, dinner out, band, play, footy, lunch, love, drive, whatever”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to try and fit all those fantastic things in too, but as my friends know, when you ask me “what’s on?” I’m more than likely to respond with “Well Monday there is a great late night movie on the ABC, Tuesday I have to get up at 5am to watch Cape Fear, Wednesday I’m going to watch as many episodes of Little Britain as I possibly can etc etc”

This Weeks Viewing

MONDAY

Mythbusters (730pm ABC). I’m a latecomer to this show but I can tell you now I’m riding the geek train with everyone else on this one. This week they try raising a sunken boat using ping pong balls. Madness!

Pret-A-Porter (10pm Movie Extra) – Robert Altman’s shambolic and glamorous look at Paris fashion week. Dahrling it’s worth it just to see Richard E Grant hamming it up. The perfect antidote to Mondayitis.

I'll probably also catch Barnaby Joyce in Antarctica on Australian Story and John Anderson on Enough Rope, bit of an Aunty feast!

TUESDAY

SET (10pm ABC) The Necks are the kind of band that people keep telling me I’ll love. I’ll give it ten minutes and if I hate it I’ll switch over to

The Cars That Ate Paris (10pm Show Greats) a great early early (1974!) Peter Weir film. Creepy tale of a man trapped in a small country town where the locals force tourists to have car accidents so they can salvage the car parts. Gritty and weird.

WEDNESDAY

In The Mood For Love (10pm SBS) – those of you that saw the beautiful 2010 last year from director Wong Kar-Wai should try and catch this prequel. It’s as sexy and languorous as the second film, and easier to understand (no weird sci fi sub plots). Another Christopher Doyle D.O.P masterpiece.

THURSDAY

West Wing (9.30 ABC) I just spent a couple of hours reading up on every plot line for the final season (I’m a sucker for spoilers). It’s still a while away here, we’re only mid season 5. Season 6 is out May 9 on Amazon…woo hoo!

The Fountainhead (10.50 TCM). I know Ayn Rand was a nutcase but I have a real fondness for stories about architects. It’s already been a year since I last watched it so it’s due for a revisit. Any excuse to watch Gary Cooper (super duper!)

FRIDAY

Daria (ABC 530pm). One of the smartest animated shows to come out of the U.S (so smart you’d swear it was Canadian). I wish I could say she reminds me of me but I’m just not that cool. I find it amazing that the (animated) cheerleader Brittany is dating quarterback Kevin...I always knew there was something weird about that Spears girl…

Jackie Brown (8.30 movie extra) I think this is Quentin Tarantino’s most underrated film. Pam Grier is so hot as Jackie, in fact the casting of it is impeccable. And every time I see it I remember how much I liked Bridget Fonda…where has she gone? But because I only watched this a couple of months ago I may switch over to...

...The Chasers War on Everything (ABC 9pm) I can’t tell if these guys are private school upstart morons who are all ego and exhibitionism or if they are in fact our only hope of getting all our anger, disappointment and disgust at the current state of political affairs out in a public forum. But maybe they are just idiots. Never quite sure…

SATURDAY

Thunderbirds (6am Nine). I will still be in my pajamas I will have an enormous mug of coffee and I will start my weekend feeling nostalgic, dorky and well nourished.

Iron Chef (8.30 SBS) The Americans in their usual foolhardy way just tried to recreate this with Wolfgang Puck at the helm. It failed miserably and was yanked after only 5 episodes. How they thought it could work I’ll never know. What will the secret ingredient be this week? Same as always…Japan!

930 Swordfish (9.30 NINE). I will watch the first 40 minutes of this crap film for two things. The opening sequence is an astounding piece of filmmaking (which only makes the rest of the film so much more disappointing) and to see Hugh Jackman without his shirt on – which I paid good money to see in the cinema and was well worth putting up with the next two hours of crapola – for the boys there is a flash of Halle Berry topless too but it’s not half as good as Hugh so I’ll have already switch over to

Shaolin Soccer (10.40 Show Greats) I haven’t seen it and I know I should have. Tonight is the night!

SUNDAY

The Insiders (9am ABC). This is a Sunday morning breakfast special for me. I'm quite fond of Barrie Cassidy and the gang (well not that Bolt fellow, he’s a tool). It’s a nice idea, to get smart journo types in a room and get their take on the week that’s been no matter their pesonal political bent. At least I feel I can go forward into the new week a little more informed.

When (and if) I leave the couch I’m hoping to see the new Terence Malick film The New World.

Ladies Night

2006-04-27T07:32:00.000+10:00

In one of my many late night viewing marathons I stumbled across one of the great films by Sydney Pollack ‘They Shoot Horses Don’t They?’ (1969) starring Jane Fonda. It’s a heartbreaking film that I’d love to talk about at some later date (come on, can’t I save Pollack for another day?)

I got to thinking what happened to all the great gals like Jane who use to be in these movies? They were everwhere for a while and then they just seemed to dissapear. Sure Ann Bancroft pops up in G.I Jane and Shirley McLaine still crazies up the screen on occasion and my love of Lily Tomlin knows no bounds. But there were a couple of really great dames who just faded away. And I miss them!

We get ourselves all excited these days when actresses make intelligent choices. What else can explain the hoo haa over the truly awful Rachel Weisz getting showered with award after award for her ponderous role in The Constant Gardener? Or the excitement when blonde goddess Charlize Theron fuglies up for Monster and North Country?

Let’s give Nicole Kidman an Oscar for wearing a fake nose and throw one in for Gwyneth Paltrow pretending she’s a boy. It's as if all they have to do is stop smiling and people now call that acting.

Ah yes I’m pretty fired up about this one. I just wanted to remind you all of some of what came before, maybe then you’ll understand why I’m so scathing of this current crop of so called ‘serious’ actresses…

Ellen Burstyn. When Ellen was nominated for an Oscar in 2001 for her amazing role in the brilliant Darren Aranofsky film 'Requiem for a Dream' no-one seemed more surprised than her. She made so many astoundingly good films in the seventies and early eighties and then slipped quietly into made-for -tv hell seemingly never to return.

She was the wonderful single mother in The Exorcist (1973) was the title role in Scorcese's almost forgotten Alice Doesn’t live here Anymore (1974) and starred in one of my favorites Same Time Next Year (1978) with my first great love Alan Alda. Her career seems to have had a new lease on life. She has four films out this year including Aranofsky's next masterpiece The Fountain.

Jill Clayburgh was hot. She was like a Diane Keaton crossed with Cameron Diaz. Her most obvious stand out role was in Neil Simon's The Goodbye Girl but really take your pick. Portnoys Complaint (1972), Unmarried Woman (1978) It’s My Turn (1980). Jennifer Aniston only dreams about being that good (hang on do goldfish dream?).

Now we get Clayburgh doing guest spots on Nip/Tuck.

Christ I hate Hollywood sometimes.

Terri Garr. You can forget Farrah Fawcett, you can have your Goldie Hawn, Terri Garr will always be my favorite of the blonde airheads. Like all good dumb blondes she wasn’t dumb at all, in fact she was the sharpest tool in the shed.

You only have to watch here in the Mel Brooks classic YoungFrankenstein (1974), whooping it up with Gene Wilder to know that. Perfectly cast as Phoebe's mother in Friends because surely the baton of smart dumb blonde has been deftly passed to Lisa Kudrow.

JoBeth Williams. Yes I have a special place in my heart just for Jobeth. And not for the reason you are all assuming. Yes I love Poltergeist – absolutely no surprises there, of course I loved her as the freaking out mom who couldn’t deal with coming home and seeing the furniture rearranged by unseen forces.

But my all time favorite was a zany romantic comedy with Tom Conti called American Dreamer. Jobeth played a bored housewife/writer who dreamt of living in France and being her fictional character international spy Rebecca Ryan. Predictably she gets a knock on the head and is convinced she is in fact Ms Ryan and heads off to Paris on a secret mission. It’s ridiculous, joyous and innocent. I loved it when I was 13 and I love it now.

Other women I miss and love

Mary Tyler Moore (watch Ordinary People and you’ll know why)
Jane Fonda (ignore Monster in Law and watch the China Syndrome)
Sally Field (Norma Rae – makes North Country look like a walk in the park).
Shelley Duvall (rewatch The Shining. Kubrick apparently treated her like crap and Jack was more method than he should have been. Duvall gave one of the best freaked out performances ever)
Kathleen Turner (hot stuff, always will be)

Ok. I will concede there are some good ones out there right now

Laura Linney (for Mystic River, The Squid and The Whale)
Naomi Watts (you know I can’t stand her, but…21 Grams, I Heart Huckabees, Mulholland Drive… say no more but someone please give her a sandwich)
Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby, devastating)
Toni Colette (for Japanese Story, the Sixth Sense)
Julianne Moore (Kidman stole her Oscar for the Hours)
Jodie Foster (for Clarice and all the rest)
Maggie Gyllenhaal (funny, smart, beautiful, brave)
Parker Posey (self deprecating, so New York, always sharp)

But you can keep

Cate Blanchett (so boring, so earnest. So private school girl prissy)
Kate Winslet (so beautiful but such a bad bad actress. Shame really)
Rachel Griffiths (you’re good are you? Prove it!)
Charlize Theron (yes alright you are beautiful and you can act…why am I bored then?)
Rachel Weisz (one word for ya… Constantine)
Chloe Sevigny (overrated and undernourished)
Radha Mitchell (no good. How many years can you be the next big thing?)
Scarlet Johansson (the worst, and I mean this, the very worst actress working today. Do not get me started).

NO I haven’t mentioned the very serious Streep, Sarandon, McDormand, Hunter, Swinton or Foster – another time… because lets face it women who can go by surname only deserve their own entry.

NO I haven’t mentioned the not so serious Cameron Diaz, Ashley Judd, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, Drew Barrymore, Natalie Portman, Sarah Polley, Julia Stiles, Claire Danes. But one day I will…

Oh Canada!

2006-04-20T23:43:00.000+10:00

When I was kid I loved a show called ‘Seeing Things’. It may be that I’m the only person who remembers this show. It was about a bumbling crime reporter whose psychic visions helped him solve a weekly mystery. It was really a very simple sweet show. I remember my mum would always chuckle and say ‘those crazy Canadians’.

This week I’ve been revisiting the films of David Cronenberg, another crazy Canadian. I’ve also been enjoying a Canadian show on Fox8 called Dead Like Me which follows the (after)lives of a group of grim reapers who meet in a diner and find out whose souls they are taking by being issued a post-it note.

I really like Canadians. I like the way things play out when they get to tell the story. They’re quiet and smart. They choose their words carefully and they like being grown ups. I get the feeling that if I was around them all the time I’d want to slap them and say ‘get a grip, a sense of humor and some decent clothes!’ but the distance between us makes for a beautiful friendship.

There are a few films I’d like to recommend to give you a taste of what I mean:

Jesus of Montreal. Direcor Denys Arcand created a masterpiece with this beautiful film. A small theatre group stage the Passion play and in the process transform their own lives. A wonderful salve for anyone questioning the difference between spirituality and religion. Although the film challenges the dogma of the Catholic Church it is also deeply religious. A great one to watch at Easter especially if you can’t be arsed going to church (like moi this year – too busy cookin’) or you want to know why people still bother in this godless world.

Any film by David Cronenberg. Look the reason it has taken me over a week to do this entry is because I have been trying to choose my favorite DC film. ACMI are showcasing him at the moment so you can actually get to see his work on the big screen (but I mean really who wanted to go and see Dead Ringers on Easter Sunday – god programmers can be dumb).

I was pretty sure my hot pick was The Fly but then I revisited Existenz and remembered how much I loved that. Naked lunch for Judy Davis, Crash for weird sex, Holly Hunter and Elias Koteas, Videodrome for James Wood. They are visceral and uncomfortable, so brace yourselves. These are not first date movies that’s for sure. Cronenberg films are full of flawed men attempting to defy their own bodies, desires and fears.
Horror for smart people.

The Sweet Hereafter (1997). Atom Egoyan is a much underrated film maker. You would do well to rent everything he’s ever made especially Exotica (1994) and Family Viewing (1987).

The Sweet Hereafter is his most mainstream and most successful film to date. Based on the Russell Banks novel of the same name it tells of the after effects of a tragic school bus accident in a small town. At the centre of the film is the wonderful Ian Holm who plays a lawyer brought in to sue for the loss of several of the children. It also stars one of my favorites Sarah Polley – who leaves all other young actresses in her dust.

In the hands of an American director this would have been a sentimental mess. But Egoyan is an elegant and even distant filmmaker, an aloofness that the Canadians seem to possess. The result is one of the most heartbreaking films I’ve ever seen.

Last Night (1998). This film is actually in my top 50 favorites of all time. I first saw it many years ago at the Melbourne Film Festival and was so surprised at my own reaction to it. I had loved director Don Mackellar’s other films particularly Roadkill (1989) which has been called the great Canadian Road Movie. I was ready to ride the quirky Canadian film train again. I was not prepared to be weepy mess when the house lights came on.
The film documents the ‘Last Night’ of earth. Clearly a catastrophe is headed our way and is due to hit the planet at midnight. Everyone knows this and everyone has made plans. Some are dancing on the street; others are trying to get lucky one last time, the rest are just sitting quietly waiting for the end.

Unlike the Americans who usually have a President to kill the aliens or an oil rigger to blow up the asteroid, the Canadians just make their peace as armageddon approaches. Weirdly enough David Cronenberg appears in this film as does Sarah Polley. I can’t tell you why I love this so much. It actually leaves me a little speechless.

Other Canadians I love

Michael J Fox (alex p keaton still rocks my socks)
Mike Myers (piss funny)
Neve Cambell (prettiest girl in all the world)
Matthew Perry (hubba hubba hubba)
John Candy (we miss you!)
Dave Foley (news radio – best sitcom)
Ryan Gosling (guilty pleasure)
Phil Hartman (r.i.p my love)
Michael Ironside (so bad he’s good)
Elias Koteas (where is this mans Oscar?)
Sarah Polley (uncompromising)
Eugene Levy (a man and a pie. Perfect comic timing)
Leslie Nielson (my comedy god)
Catherine O Hara (folk goddess in A Mighty Wind)
Donald Sutherland (Eye of the Needle still freaks me out)

I'm a great Supporter of...

2006-04-10T23:28:00.000+10:00

William Fichtner

And so I continue with my top 5 favorite support actors. Number 4 on my list is the brilliant Mr. William Fichtner.

Unfortunate name yes, but cheekbones so sharp you could cut cheese with and no ham acting in sight (well maybe just a little sometimes).

He appeared in Vanity Fairs list of premier supporting actors. For a while there it looked like he’d make that final step of the way to major role status . But alas, despite scene-stealing performances in films like Ridley Scotts ‘Black Hawk Down’(2001) and the almost perfect ‘Perfect Storm’ (2000) he never quite cut the mustard as far as the big studios were concerned.

Shame really. He’s great to look at and versatile as anyone. I'm wishing for a genius David Lynch casting. Move over Willem Dafoe.

He's not conventionally handsome by any means which is a plus in my book. But he's certainly not ordinary. Support actors are by definition interesting. They act not as window dresssing (no that's for the actresses who play the supportive wife - different topic altogether) but more as a feature wall, always making the leads look better, sharper - good actors by association.

Of course some film makers (Jarmusch, Hartley, Lynch, Jarman, Anderson) make a point of littering their films with support actors. I'm pretty sure that's the secret to their finest work.

Fichter is always at his best when he’s allowed to really own a scene, creating a movie within a movie. Those of you who, like me, watch films like some people listen to music (randomly, often) will know that there are some mornings when your eating your coco pops and drinking your first bucket ‘o’ coffee that 15 great minutes can be all you need to be really memorable on film.

Take his turn as the weirdo cop in Doug Lyman’s neato debut feature ‘Go’ (1999) – a great great movie made up of lots of terrific ensemble acting. Fichtners performance as the predatory and perverted policeman by day /Amway salesman by night is the stand out of the film.

It still cracks me up.

He turned up in Malcom X (‘92), ‘Quiz Show’(‘94) ,Heat (‘95), Strange Days (‘95), Contact (’97) and Armageddon ('98) All of which are on my shelves. He’s also in one of my all time guilty pleasures, ‘Equilibrium' ('02) where Fichtner gets a chance convince Christian Bale that now he’s stopped taking his state prescribed medication and can love again he should try and kill as many people as possible. Coooool.

He’s even appeared in my much loved (will I ever shut up about it) West Wing in the classic episode The Supremes. I won’t go into detail as it is in the season currently been screened here in Australia on the ABC (epsiode 17). It’s hard, no impossible, to steal a scene when that crew of actors is in the room (round or otherwise) but Fichtner is brilliant.

It’s quite a step up from playing Josh Hartnetts dad in Michael Bays dreadful ‘Pearl Harbor’(2001) or the unaccredited voice-over marriage councilor to the plastic fantastic couple ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’(2005).

We’ll see him this year in Guy Pierces new film ‘First Snow’ currently in postproduction hopefully with more to do than give Don Cheadle an offer he can’t refuse ( ‘Crash' 05)

Oh by the way he was also in a film called ‘Ramona!’ in 1993. Which means he may have said my name once.

Number 5 on the list

Chairman of The Bored

2006-04-06T21:02:00.000+10:00

I'm having one of those evenings. I've had so little sleep this week , I'm restless, I'm bored. I'm not happy with tonights viewing opportunities (57 channels and there's nothing on).

The best thing on offer is Medium - which is so ridiculously far fetched - that handsome, intelligent, sensitive husband is a figment of her (and the female scriptwriters) imagination. And a repeat of my beloved West Wing - of which I own the box sets and have watched a dozen times each.

And so I go to The Collection.

I've got 342 (and growing) DVD's that cover pretty much every genre - in fact one day I plan to organise them that way - so whatever I'm in the mood for it has to be there.

Right?

Wrong.

In terms of TV series there are definite gaps on the shelf

No Twin Peaks (videos only - no longer prepared to watch vhs. But how can I live without it?)
No X Files (I can't tell you why I haven't bought this. I don't want to admit to myself that I am inches away from attending a science fiction convention, or that I still dream about Mulder)
No Six Feet Under (why oh why? Season One was so so breathtaking)
No Buffy, no Moonlighting, no Northern Exposure (I lent that to someone...You know who you are)
No Tales of the City (ah Laura Linney, you're a treasure)

No Seinfeld, no Frasier, no League of Gentlemen, no Fawlty Towers, no King of the Hill, no Aeon Flux, no South Park (I know! I can't believe that either!)

And no News Radio (actually truth be told all I want to watch right now is News Radio)

As for films I'm in the mood for and do not have

Do The Right Thing (because I'm going to see Inside Man tomorrow and want to remind myself what is good about Spike Lee).

Near Dark (the greatest vampire movie ever made, I was sure I had this, but no no no)

Flying High (piss funny genius)

Stripes (see above)

Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure (where is my video card anyway...)

While searching for that one perfect DVD that will make my night complete I came across 12 films that still have the plastic wrap on them, that haven't even been cracked open -

State and Main, The Mosquito Coast, All That Jazz, Dead Ringers, Poltergiest, Old School, High Tide, The Comfort of Strangers, Catch 22, Edward Scissorhands, Shawn of the Dead, Diner.

nup. no good.

The shortlist for tonight is now

American Beauty (just for that one scene - do you know the one I'm thinking of?)

Gosford Park (Because I'm seeing Clive Owen tomorrow)

The Royal Tenenbaums (when in doubt go to your top ten that's what I say)

Down By Law (because I didn't know I had this, and it's so so very good)

You know what. The West Wing will be on in 30 minutes. I give up.

I need to get a life, or a date, or a book, or sleep. Perhaps not in that order.

Always Remember the 5th of November

2006-04-02T22:58:00.000+10:00

I remember downloading the preview for ‘V for Vendetta’ three months ago and thinking – nup this is going to be terrible. My good mate and film buddy Michael (or perhaps from now on ‘M’) insisted it was going to be great so off we went (with half of Melbourne it seemed) to see ‘V’ on opening weekend. It’s always a good time to see a film, with a room full of fresh enthusiasts not yet onto the word of mouth cynicism that sets in if a film doesn’t live up to what was unreasonable expectations.

I have been burnt by beloved comic book adaptations – anyone who has read Alan Moore’s epic ‘From Hell’ will tell you that his material is not to be mucked about with by dopey screenwriters and ego driven directors. Alan Moore is none too pleased with this adaptation and has had his name removed from the film. I’m not quite sure what his problem is.

Producers The Wachowski Brothers intentions are always pure. The Matrix Trilogy for all is faults was at least a spirited and oft poetic attempt at storytelling. They handed this project to their DOP John McTeigue as his directorial debut. I have to say it’s not half bad. It’s not a work of genius – it’s no Bladerunner, XMen or Dark City but it’s not a turkey like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or Fantastic Four either.

Much is being made in the masked man – the terrorist/anarchist ‘V’- played (sort of) by Hugo Weaving. I kept thinking of Roger Ebert’s review where he likened the film to Thomas the Tank Engine – because the mask remains on and completely inanimate. Weaving has a great voice but it’s a shame not to see that face – he might as well not have been there at all (maybe he wasn’t). Of course V is really just a concept and so the idea of removing the mask is ridiculous- in many ways he’s the only character not wearing a mask of some sort. It is fun to listen to him spout Shakespeare, tell us all about Guy Fawkes, play Cry Me a River on his contraband Wurlitzer and generally flounce about in the cape.

Natalie Portman is an actress I never really liked until the very beautiful Garden State and last years fantastic Closer (you want to know what marriage is really like? – rent that corker). Now I wish she’d do more – anything to stop Scarlett Johansson making films (don’t get me started on that one).

Portman has one of those lovely faces that exude thoughtfulness, prettiness, empathy. She’s definitely sugar and spice and all things nice and maintains this delicacy despite the buzzcut and bad cargopants. She’s good in this, a bit shaky with her accent at times but as her character is slowly deconstructed she transforms into a very still force in the film.

The great Stephens both Rea and Fry steal the show. It’s always such a pleasure to see them. My love for them knows no bounds. Fry especially is one of those great Englishmen who has really mastered the art of English – it is a pleasure to hear him speak. I always purchase the audio versions of his books just for that reason. Even though his part is small he does so much with it. John Hurt is suitably maniacal as the Hitler-like dictator, but if they really wanted to tap the original material which was more directed to the Thatcher era casting Judi Dench or Charlotte Rampling in the role would have made it more acidic.

'V' hasn’t had the best reviews and of course the Americans are a wee bit cranky about the whole thing but I don’t think they have reason to be too upset. Who cares if they are anyway? I’m getting so sick of hearing about Americans, what they think and what they care about. It’s like having insane cousins in your family you can’t stand but always have to spend Christmas with.

This film is so is much more about England. It’s an Orwellian near future in a country where you are photographed or filmed 6000 times a day by surveillance cameras, a country in fear of avian flu, or a repeat of Mad Cow Disease that devastated the British beef industry. A country that has been in crisis for some time.

And it’s for a generation of kids who aren’t highly political, who need to be more than ever. They’ll go to this hoping for the adrenalin rush of the Matrix and probably be more than a little disappointed. I don’t know how much they’ll take away from ‘V’, I don’t think its good enough to really impact them heavily. But the majority of these kids are not going to see ‘Syriana’ or ‘Goodnight and Good Luck’ so any exposure to independent thought is a good one.

PS - Now all that being said and done I have to mention that the highlight of the evening for me was the preview of Superman. I remember seeing this with mum in 1978 I had just turned 7 and fell instantly in love with comic book heroes. Last night I had tears in my eyes hearing that music then Marlon Brandos voice. I think it’s all going to be alright kids, fingers crossed.

You're off the Island

2006-03-28T23:23:00.000+11:00

You know I am not one to extol the virtues of reality television. I’m much more of a fiction gal. Apart from the fact that most reality TV is debased, depressing, degrading and dismal – it’s keeping great writers out of work and it’s force feeding a generation of tv audiences so much junk food they wouldn’t recognize great television even if I gave them a map (you take a left on 100 Centre Street, you rest in Deadwood, and if you Love My Way you’ll be lucky enough to join a tour of the West Wing).

But I must admit I do have a weakness, one that began 12(!) seasons ago with the now famous catchcry :

Survivors ready?

Tonight was episode 1 of Survivor Panama: Exile Island where we were introduced to our new castaways - and what an extremely American bunch they were. Favourites so far include The Missile Engineer, The Astronaut and The Writer (can you guess which one is doomed from the get go?).

I don’t know their names, names are not important at this juncture. They’ve always got cool jobs these people. Remember last season there was a guy who was an actual Rocket Scientist? There was a Dolphin Trainer, a Chef, and Fireman too at one point.

What is its appeal? Maybe it’s the combination of several of my favorite stories – Lord of The Flies, Treasure Island, Peter Pan. Maybe it’s the resourcefulness needed to build a shelter, start a fire, catch fish. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I wouldn’t last a minute out there - I like to think I’m tough, but faced with an obstacle course I’d be running for the nearest hammock!

Maybe it’s the sight of Jeff (sigh) Probst in shorts – glowing with good health by the light of the tribe torches.

At its heart is a very character driven show. Who can forget Rupert the Pirate, Boston Rob, Johnny Fairplay, and the classic Richard Hatch? But to be honest with you I'm hard pressed to find any justification for my attachment to it. But attached I am.

I get a wee bit weary of the overly healthy athletic types with their excellent abdomens and ability to maintain cuteness despite not having bathed for three weeks - I can't maintain cuteness for any longer than three hours - after that the wheels fall off.

For once I’d like to see a tribe like this

Simon the Slacker
Jim the Paranoid Schizophrenic
Dave the Psychic
Suzy the Manic Depressive
Ramona the Couch Potato
Jean Pierre the Terrorist
Misty the Heroin Addict

We would kick ass. Maybe do some psychological damage while we’re at it…

PS - all week on Handmadelife (a magazine blog venture created by excellent cohort Beck and myself) it's all about Survivor craft, check it out!

Hes like so cool you know?

2006-03-26T18:04:00.000+11:00

When you fall in love with someone you do so whole heartedly – all their quirks, mannerisms, the way they speak. And then one day you wake up and everything’s different. All the things you loved about that person suddenly make you want to slap them in the face before walking away (in slow motion of course).

That’s how I feel about Nicholas Cage.

I've been inundated with good reviews for his new film The Weatherman which I had decided long ago not to see. Why would I? I can’t suffer through another ego driven nutty performance by Mr. Cage.

It just isn’t worth it anymore.

And then this week something happened. Like discovering an old high school yearbook I stumbled on a rare screening of classic eighties romantic teen film ‘Valley Girl’ (1983). And there was a very young Nicolas in all his splendor. A wonderful new wave haircut, a dopey lovesick look in his eye and that very particular way he dips his language up and down. And I remembered something I had long since forgotten:

I love Nicholas Cage.

I know what you’re thinking. What about Con Air, The Rock, Gone in Sixty Seconds? These are all bad (but fun!) movies where he is the very worst thing in them. What about Face Off, National Treasure, City of Angels? Yes these are all truly awful and yes a big part is Mr. Cages fault. If he’s not directed properly his performances can become so forced it can set your teeth on edge. He seems to be screaming ‘Look at Me’ with every twitch and snap of his fingers.

But when he is good, man he is really good. Try and put those others aside for a moment and remember

Moonstruck (for the romantics and opera fans)

Raising Arizona (for the parents and Coen Bros Fans)

Birdy (delicate, heartbreaking, Alan Parkers second best film after Fame)

Vampires Kiss (because it’s sexy and funny and joyous)

Wild at Heart (it's David Lynch, so I'll defend it to my death)

Matchstick Men (If anyone can play obsessive compulsive it's Cage)

Adaptation (no better portrayal of writers block ever)

Bringing Out The Dead (underrated Scorsese, hang on isn't everythings Scorsese's done underrated?)

And if none of those get you… and let’s face it you may need more convincing after Captain Corellis Mandolin, I want you all to trek down to your Blockbusters and rent Leaving Las Vegas. Maybe you’ll too learn to love what has almost become unlovable in his finest performace to date as the alcoholic screenwriter who decides to literally drink himself to death.

See he is good isn't he? You'd forgotten because the foul stench of Snake Eyes, The Family Man and Windtalkers still hang in the air.

But I find myself after an afternoon in the Valley remembering the good times. I won't be running out to see National Treasure 2, but the Weatherman may be vintage Cage, and therefore well worth it.

PS I haven’t mention Rumblefish. It’s too important too me, I’m saving it for a while.

Blow the Whistle

2006-03-21T22:28:00.000+11:00

Last night I watched the classic whistleblower film Silkwood (1984). I’d listened intently a week ago to a discussion on Radio National about the nature of whistle blowing and I wondered what I would do if faced with a similar situation.

I had only seen Silkwood the one time on video when I was a young teenager and it deeply affected me then. I’m not sure why I’ve only seen it the once but it seemed appropriate to revisit it this week given that the Federal Government is toying with the idea of selling uranium to China and I had listened to the radio piece just days before.

The film documents the events leading up to the death of Karen Silkwood (Meryl Streep) a young employee of a nuclear facility who was purposefully contaminated and possibly murdered after attempting to expose appalling safety violations.

Streep won best actress as did Cher for her supporting turn as Karen’s sympathetic housemate. Mike Nichols also won for best director and Nora Ephron for best screenplay.

It’s a sad and quiet film; resolute in its depiction of Karen’s pathetic life (a young Kurt Russell is divine as her woebegone boyfriend Drew). It’s only towards the end, when Karen makes the decision that she has no choice but to expose the truth that she realizes that this is what will define her life. She repeats a line used earlier by a Washington union official “there is a moral imperative”.

We all like to think we would do the right thing, but what is the right thing? Can we ever really be sure that the risk is worth taking? I think what is so fascinating about these stories is that in nearly all cases these are very ordinary people who go to extraordinary lengths to expose something they know is wrong often with devestating consequences.

I don’t know what I would do, do you?

Top Five Whistleblower Movies

China Syndrome
The Boiler Room
Silkwood
The Insider
Erin Brockovich

On a lighter note James Rebhorn appears in Silkwood for five minutes at the end…

Off The Couch

2006-03-17T18:05:00.000+11:00

Well Dear Readers I have done it. I have left the couch. Only temporarily I promise. I have been gripped by Commonwealth Games fever. I have managed to get it together to buy the odd ticket and go and catch some of the action.

I'd play myself but really they don't call me Unco Southpaw for nuttin. As many of you know I can get a wee bit sports obsessed. If they made 'spectator' an event I may be in with a shot. But I do love what sport does for people, I love the joy it brings.

I love the fact that these are games we are playing - can there be anything more fantastic than watching animals at play?

Last night it was the weightlifting - Mens 56kg class to be precise. We had perfect seats between a middle aged one-pot wonder and a young boy so large he could almost qualify as a small bear (both utterly delighful).

We watched in awe as very small men in lycra lifted nearly three times their own bodyweight. We were gripped with excitement as Baharom Mohd Faizal Bin of Malaysia, who seemed to be the smallest man in the room, took the gold medal with an astounding lift of 135 in the clean and jerk.

I spent this morning learning that Wales cannot play table tennis but that India can. That it's actually fun to yell out 'aussie aussie aussie' with a couple thousand other people (especially when we win - well done girls).

I also learnt that there are no nicer people in the world than the army of volunteers who, given half the chance and a loudspeaker, will crack jokes left right and centre. I can't afford to see any other sport 'in situ' but will be trotting off all over town to the millions of free events. I really got the fever!

Mind you I've been looking at the tv guide....

Lawn Bowls, Badminton, Hockey...note how I spell this with capitals, give these people the respect they deserve.

Now where is the remote control?

I'm headin' back to Couchville folks, where I truly belong!

Confession Booth

2006-03-14T23:00:00.000+11:00

Yesterday afternoon my friend Beck announced that she has never seen 'ET' (citing anti-religious reasons and the fact that when it came on tv some years back she had to go to a Beastie Boys gig instead - fair enough).

"whaddya mean you've never seen ET?" I said indignantly. I was outraged! Beck is only a couple of years older than I and has no generational excuse for not seeing it. She actually has quite a list of films she hasn't seen yet, that she's saving.

Beck's not saving ET, she couldn't give a toss for that godbotherin nonsense.

But we are talking about Spielberg...vintage Spielberg! I saw ET at least twice at the movies (I was 11 at the time, films were really important back then) and rented it a half dozen times before buying it on DVD when the special anniversary edition came out in 2002. I even had the novelisation of the film (does anyone remember those? they were these weird paperback versions of films - often with different endings based on the original scripts).

I laughed, I cried and I even imagined my bike taking off into the moonlight.

As you can imagine I stewed on this gap in my friends film library for quite a while... then the heavens opened up and a voice said to me

"Yeah but you haven't seen Schindlers List."

True

In fact there are a number of films I should have seen that I still haven't managed to squeeze in between Footloose and Scary Movie

and so I must confess

I've seen Rocky 4 but I haven't seen Raging Bull
I've seen Wall Street but I haven't seen Citizen Kane (I know, crazy)
I've seen Legally Blonde 2 but not Mr Smith Goes To Washington
I've seen Crimson Tide but not Das Boot
I've seen Barbershop but not Jean de Florette
I've seen Back to the Future 3 but not The Good The Bad and The Ugly.
I've seen Mel Gibson's Hamlet but not Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet

And forget about the French New Wave...I just haven't got round to it.

But I will, I promise.
Now I gotta go, The Matrix Revolutions is the late night movie...

hang on isn't that about God too...?

A History of Violence

2006-03-10T00:04:00.000+11:00

Tonight I was lucky enough to go to the opening night of A History of Violence - the new David Cronenberg film that has finally made it to our shores. I have a shelf dedicated to Cronenberg - books, DVD's,even down to a collection of scripts. Nearly all of his films are in my long list of favorites so it wasn't going to take much to get me to a 9pm screening - even if it meant missing the West Wing (thankyou ABC - it means so much to us all, did anyone tape it?)

Of course like all women aged between 8 and 80 Viggo Mortensen is also a bit of a draw card. There is no denying he seems to be an ideal man - tall handsome poet with cheekbones you can slice cheese off and the bluest saddest eyes. He's an ideal Cronenberg leading man. Like James Spader, James Woods, Ralph Fiennes, Jeff Goldblum before him there is an intensity and darkness in his performance even before things take an inevitable turn for the worse.

Many reviewers have said that this isn't like any other Cronenberg film. In fact some of the more disgusting and hardcore elements of the original graphic novel by John Wagner were left completely untouched by Cronenberg which came as a surprise. But I would argue that there is a thread between all his films that goes beyond all the theorizing about the body and technology.

All of his films are about being true to your nature - even when that takes you to some very dark places.

It wouldn't be Cronenberg without sex. He again uses sex scenes as a device for the characters to have a conversation without words. I have very mixed feelings about sex scenes, particularly in mainstream films (some of them I love, but most are just silly) but Cronenberg uses it as another language in all his work. They are often clumsy, uncomfortable and linger too long on the wrong things (much like life I guess) and he never forgets that we as the viewer are the intruder - placing the camera at awkward angles, not overloading the scenes with music.

There are two sex scenes in AHOV, one at each end (ahem) and they act as a kind of mirror to the action. The first scene was so deeply intimate that the audience laughed a little with embarrassment. I thought it was hot stuff and went along way in demonstrating how much the central character stood to lose as things unravelled. The second, so brutal and violent you couldn't help but remember the first and wonder if this was the same man and woman.

Actress Maria Bello (so fine in last year's The Cooler) is always fearless in her performances. She brings so much to characters that don't come from the script. I want to see her do much more than play the supportive wife/girlfriend roles. She does well here and is a fine match for Viggo.

A History Of Violence is certainly not a masterpiece as some overseas reviewers have put it but it is a movie for grown ups. It's a movie about revenge, love, family, violence, men, nature vs nurture. It most certainly is a Cronenberg film - just one that won't leave you feeling quite so violated.

Now I'm going out to buy the box set of West Wing Season 4...

2006-03-08T22:32:00.000+11:00

Tonight on Jamie Oliver's new show 'Jamies Great Escape' we had the dubious pleasure of watching him slaughter a lamb before skinning it, slow roasting it then feeding it to large group of really delightful and hungry Italians.

It didn't come as a shock. I had read about the incident some time ago. The episode caused great consternation in Britain when the show was aired late last year. The creative sub editors of the tabloid press dubbed him 'Silencer of the Lamb' and animal welfare organisations accused him of promoting inhumane farming practices.

I've been ruminating on this event for some time now and this is what I've come up with. I've never killed my dinner. I don't know how many animals I've eaten, probably quite few. I do know that when I go to the supermarket and buy those lovely rump steaks there isn't some magic machine out the back producing the meat. I'm aware that a slaughter has taken place so that I can have my Sunday roast.

That being said there is no chance of me ever being a vegetarian. I'm such a meat eater I've listed a bacon sandwich as my preferred last meal and I've also been known to have a thin slice of quickly fried black pudding on rye toast for breakfast.

I have nothing against vegetarians. In fact I'm quite fond of a number of them. I like cooking with them, eating with them and standing up for them at carnivorous dinner parties. As much as I adore Anthony Bourdain I don't hold with his idea that all vegetarians are scum..Funny but not fair really.

Jamie Oliver was clearly distressed at having carried out the act of literal butchery but he did make one salient point "A chef who's cooked 2,000 sheep should kill at least one".

I've never killed my dinner. Maybe it would help if I said 'This was an animal. An animal with parents, with a face, with a voice. And I'm going to eat it'.

I've never killed my dinner. I imagine if I had to every time I wanted to have a lamb chop, maybe I wouldn't have them quite so often.

And the Oscar Goes To...

2006-03-05T22:39:00.000+11:00

Alright I think it's important that people like me put our cards on the table.

Best Actor will go to Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Best Actor should go to Joaquin Pheonix

Best Supporting Actor will go to Paul Giamatti
Best Supporting Actor should go to Matt Dillon (never thought I'd write that sentence!)

Best Actress will go to Reese Witherspoon...deservedly.

Best Supporting Actress will go to Rachel Weisz (yawn)
Best Supporting Actress should go to Frances McDormand (woo ho!)

Best Animated Feature willl go to Wallace and Gromit
Best Animated Feature should go to Howls Moving Castle (genius)

Best Director will go to Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain
Best Director should go to...I guess Ang Lee. But my heart will be with George.

Best Documentary will go to March of The Penguins
Best Documentary should go to Murderball (my #1 film of 2005!)

Best Film will go to Brokeback Mountain
Best Film should go to The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

(wait that's not actually nominated...)

I think I'll be waiting a long time to see the best actor categories full of Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Richard E Grant, Ewan McGregor, Gary Sinise. At least this year it's hosted by one of my top five sexiest men alive (yes there is a list) satirist Jon Stewart.

Trust me, those of you that don't know him from his brilliant daily show will fall madly in love with him despite missing out on an opening song. He'll crack some great anti Bush jokes and he can raise one eyebrow - what's not to love about that?

Films that were overlooked by the academy this year include the very beautful Sin City, the wry Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the hilarious 40 Year Old Virgin, the brilliant Rize, the lovely Shopgirl, and the sophisticated Upside of Anger.

I'll dish the dirt post-ceremony here on Couchville. Everyone enjoy the show

Happy Birthday to the Demon Dog

2006-03-05T00:00:00.000+11:00

Birthday greetings go out today to the finest crime writer of our time Mr James 'mad-as-a-cut- snake' Ellroy who was born on this day in 1958. When my eyes have grown weary of the screen I have been known to reach for an Ellroy tome and spend several hours transfixed by the dark and corrupt streets of L.A.

I even named my cat after him.

I was lucky enough many years ago to see him at a documentary film preview where he was weird, intense and candid about his work, life and neurosis. He was asked what he thought of two Australian boys being cast in L.A Confidential and he replied that he thought only Australians could capture the masculinity of those characters, that American actors were so soft there was no way they could pull it off. And he howled like a crazy man. That was excellent...

I've never been convinced about great writing making great films. Sometimes language has its own indefinable taste and colour that can't be replicated by actors (Australian or otherwise). It took me years to see LA Confidential which was far too tasteful for my liking and I can't say I'm looking forward to seeing the Black Dahlia when it's released later this year, or the Night Watchman some time after that (mind you The Nightwatchman blog is top drawer entertainment). But I really can recommend the much underrated Browns Requiem - a fine adaptation of Ellroys compelling first novel. Hard to find but well worth it.

And as you all know I love lists - James Ellroy's top ten films

Vertigo (Alfred Hitchcock, 1958)
The Godfather part II (Francis Ford Coppola, 1974)
The Prowler (Joseph Losey, 1951)
The Lineup (Don Diegel, 1958)
The Big Knife (Robert Aldrich, 1955)
Odds Against Tomorrow (Robert Wise, 1959)
Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder, 1950)
Double Indemnity (Billy Wilder, 1944)
Out of the Past (Jacques Tourner, 1947)
711 Ocean Drive (Joseph M. Newman, 1950)

Raise your choc tops!

2006-03-02T00:57:00.000+11:00

Our beloved ABC Radio National movie reviewer Julie Rigg reported a story last week that caught my attention. Gold Coast woman Ms Pauline Clayton was charged with assault in a Texan court and fined $150 after touching a woman on the arm in a screening of Brokeback Mountain after repeatedly asking her to get off the phone. The woman ran screaming and demanded ms Clayton be arrested for invading her private space.

On behalf of all moviegoers I'd like to state my support for Ms Clayton. Because you know what? It happens almost everytime I go to the cinema. Its not just the mobile phones either. Oh no. I have a list as long as my arm of ways people can ruin your movie experience. In fact I wouldn't mind my own day in court...

Regular readers will know that I do (on occasion) leave the comforts of Couchville to enter the hallowed halls of moviehouses nationwide. Needless to say there's a few guidelines I'd like us all to follow just for the comfort and safety of all concerned...

Theatre should be clean
All of us should have a clear view of the screen.
The film should run on time and be projected correctly (ya hear that Nova!)
vanilla choctop fridge should be well stocked, popcorn fresh, coca cola cold
My friend Michael should have a isle seat to accomodate his giraffe length legs

And there should be absolutely not talking.
not a word, not a whisper.

shut up.
I mean it.

If you want to talk to each other go home.
If you want to make out then get a room - preferably one that I'm not in (unless it's you and I making out, if it is then why the hell are we at the movies?)
If you do not understand the plot, you are an idiot.
If it is a muscial do not sing along.
Crying I can tolerate (mainly because I'm prone to it)
Do not bring a McDonalds happy meal in with you

And don't under any circumstances answer your mobile phone.

you my friend are not that important.

So raise your maltesers in honour of this feerless moviegoer. Pauline Clayton we applaud you.

Disaster!

2006-02-25T23:55:00.000+11:00

As Melbourne was hit with its own little superstorm today, the downstairs bathroom just seemed to come undone at the seams. Water was flooding in from all sorts of nooks and crannies at an alarming rate. Needless to say I spent most of my day not on the couch - no midday movie for me!

While furiously mopping, and aligning buckets with steady drips that seemed to go on for hours I starting ruminating on the many natural disaster movies I have enjoyed over the years. I'm already excited at the prospect of yet another bad telemovie tomorrow night with the promising title of 'Category 7!'

The combination of Randy Quaid, Tom Skerrit and Cameron Daddo mean we are in for a night of quality viewing...not. In its defence bad tv on a Sunday night is always welcome.

I know that the spate of these films and tv movies are a direct reaction to real events around the world. We want to find ways of coping with them and these big dumb movies allow us to safely think about the 'what ifs..' and to hope against hope that regular people can survive such horrific events.

mind you it would probably help if we stopped cutting down so many trees, burning fossil fuels and driving our cars everywhere. If there is one thing the disaster movie has taught me - we need to start listening to the scientists...even if they don't look like Bill Paxton.

There really isn't anything that can equal the big budget natural disaster film. I'm afraid this is a deal breaker folks, those of you who have no time for them - well there is no future in this and I suggest you delete Couchville from your lives - we simply cannot be...

Twister - Bill Paxton in a good shirt smelling the dirt and driving like a maniac - nothing bad about that. I could watch Mr Paxton read the phonebook, I'm easily pleased. Twister was the first film I saw after living in Switzerland for four months - the highlight of which was watching my host country come last in the Eurovision Song Contest. No wonder I love it so much.

Armageddon - this is a family favourite. My mother considers this film to be an absolute classic (my mother is quite the classic herself). It's exciting, stupid, funny and a delight from beginning to end. Remember this has Owen Wilson, Steve Buscemi and Bruce Willis - an almost perfect cast...just avert your gaze when Ben Affleck is on screen.

The Day After Tomorrow is a natural disaster masterpiece. It's probably now an act of sedition to say it was fun to witness the utter devestation of North America and to watch them all fight to get into Mexico. It was preposterous, hilarious and looked wonderful - I even liked the silly wolves but I know I'm alone there.
Jake Gyllenhaal is in it. Enough said.

Dante's Peak. I think Peirce Brosnan has all of the charisma of a sea sponge. He does his best in this film to dismantle any career Linda Hamilton might of had as a strong female lead by belittling her throughout the whole film. He even tells her the coffee she has been lovingly making him every five minutes is terrible. That being said when that pyroclastic cloud comes screaming through...it's all killer, no filler my friends.

WARNING: Don't under any circumstances watch Volcano. It really is awful (I've watched it three times just to make sure).

Deep Impact - one of the more serious of the genre it's not as bad as you all remember. If your local Blockbuster has it as one of the weekly specials then revisit it. Stop renting Shawshank Redemption and Carlitos Way - you've seen them a million times. I promise you wont be as dissapointed as you think. Morgan Freeman is in it so that should make you happy.

My favourite natural disaster movie is The Perfect Storm. This is a little unconventional as it's based on a true event and so unfortunately does not have a happy ending. The story of the fishing trawler the Andrea Gail is an anguished and incredible one. It's a distressing and challenging film that has one of the saddest final sequences of anything to come out of Hollywood.

George Clooney is great as Captain Billy Tyne who tries so desperately to win the war against nature. Mark Wahlberg gives his first good performance as the doomed first mate Bobby. The storm itself is a central character of the film and the special effects are still stunning.

Trivia: The waves were so good they reused some of them in Master and Commander...

So I've checked on the bathroom and it seems to be drying out. I'm counting my blessings that my village isnt under twenty feet of mud, or that my house isn't rubble after a hurricane, or even that I don't have to worry about making my home bushfire ready. My disasters always have Bruce Willis there to blow up the meteorite and keep me safe. I'm counting my blessings that my couch is warm and dry...

that is until that 'Category 7' comes wailing thorough.

Let's here it for the boy...

2006-02-22T23:04:00.000+11:00

Almost one month ago, on the 24th of January, actor Chris Penn died of a massive heart attack. The autopsy revealed not much at all, other than a weird cocktail of medication and an enlarged heart that just didn't beat anymore.

I didn't know about this until last night while watching the BAFTAS - his name and face appeared briefly on a screen flashing the faces of those we have lost. I was stunned. How could I have missed this? Why didn't anyone tell me? And why am I sad?

We all know who the talented ones in the family are. Chris was overshadowed by his famous siblings. "the finest actor of our generation" - Sean - and much feted musician/songwriter Michael. You know Chris, he was the fat one.

He was also the kid who Kevin Bacon taught to dance in Footloose, he was Tom Cruise's buddy in 'all the right moves, He was the determined detective in Tony Scotts True Romance, he was nice guy Eddie in Tarantino's masterpiece Reservoir Dogs.

He had in fact appeared in over 80 films. On the day he died his latest film, ('The Darwin Awards') was premiering at Sundance. Chris wasn't there. He was at one of Sean's many properties building sets for the Vietnam epic he'd been working on for twenty years - yes, building his own sets.

His funeral was attended by Jack Nicholson, Tim Robbins, James Gandolfini. Actor Mark Ruffalo and brother Sean attacked a photographer who snuck into the gated cemetery. I think Chris would have liked that - a bit of biffo at the final party.

Chris wasn't pretty, he wasn't charismatic, he weighed in at nearly 300 pounds and he sure as hell was never going to be a guest on The Actors Studio. But you know what?

I thought Chris Penn was cool, really cool.

If I'd had my way I would have cast him as Bud in LA Confidential to really see him fly and to see the Bud I had always imagined - a wonderful, complex,intense hulk of a man just trying for redemption.

Best Supporting Actor Goes To

2006-02-19T14:33:00.000+11:00

I've always loved them. The actors that you see over and over again but never know who they are. You just mumble under your breath "there's that guy...what's he been in?" and whoever else is on the couch with you (the cat maybe) will mumble back "that guy has been in everything".

These are your go-to men. They turn up as heavies, dads, lawyers, psychos, vice presidents, cops, teachers. They are so familiar to you and it's always great when you see them.

They go a long way to support my One Film theory (my idea is it's all one story, that connections can be made with clever casting and creative thinking -more on that monster brainwave later).

Quite frankly they can make the stars of the film look better than they really are. Often (sadly) they become stars themselves which really drives me insane because I miss them popping up unannounced all over the place (I loved Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Twister - but can't be bothered with Capote for example).

Over the coming weeks I'd like to draw your attention to my Top 5 character actors. Lets give these guys the attention they deserve.

Number 5 on the list is James Rebhorn.
Ahh you're thinking...who?

I first noticed James Rebhorn in a not so great little movie called 'If Lucy Fell' in 1996. He had a small roll as Sarah Jessica Parker's father. Little did I realise that was a pretty big role for him. Nor did I realise that I had in fact seen him dozens of times before and that and I would continue to spot him all over the place.

He was the Secretary of Defence in Roland Emmerich's joyous sci fi flick Independence Day, The doctor in the appallingly overrated Cold Mountain, and also appeared in David Fincher's much underrated 'The Game' (1997). Other films include Basic Instinct, Lorenzo's Oil, Carlitos Way,The Talented Mr Ripley, JFK, and the Woody Allen black and white gem Shadows and Fog.

In 1992 he appeared in both My Cousin Vinny and And Scent of a Woman - both films had Oscar winning performances in them - not by James tho, I don't know if he's even been to the Academy Awards. I'm pretty sure he's at home in couchville just like the rest of us.

He's been in half a dozen episodes of Third Watch and Law and Order and he currently has five films in post production. Could he be busier? Something tells me he's making a great living despite not being on the cover of Premiere magazine.

I think he's a delight. All pointy and tall, great in a suit and always dependable. He delivers his lines crisply and neatly, never chewing up the scene - always leaving that to people like Al Pacino, Michael Douglas, Bill Pullman.

So next time you see him (probably in the Susan Sarandon/Ralph Feinnes film 'Doris and Bernard' due out later this year) stay for the credits and applaud loudly when the name James Rebhorn scrolls by.

bad boys bad boys watcha gonna do...

2006-02-15T22:51:00.000+11:00

You know what I am really sick of? New TV series that everyone is raving about that I JUST DO NOT GET! I was all ready to love Lost, Desperate Housewives, I was even prepared to give House a go. I was especially looking forward to Prison Break. And now, by episode three I am already reading the spoilers on the net so I can watch Dateline in peace.

There is no denying it. Young man Wentworth Miller (that's his name? You have to be kidding me) who plays the too-clever-by half Michael Schofield in PB is very very easy on the eyes. Take a look at him, really. Like a t-bone steak or a well made baseball bat.

All the elements are there, yum and dumb leading man, great tattoo, convoluted escape plan, sassy lawyer, psycho inmates, cruel guards, hot brother on death row for another three weeks... Three weeks? I hear the writer has 44 episodes planned so far. This is going to be like watch paint dry.

There once was a time I could kick back with Ally McBeal, The Practice, E.R, Dawsons Creek, Party of Five, even the x-files (ah Mulder we miss you!) and be very happy thankyou very much (knowing full well it was pap - fast moving, pretty, entertaining pap).

I just don't have the attention span to deal with this new batch of sludge. I have worked out that if you watch Lost once every three months NOTHING has happened, you haven't MISSED anything. Desperate Housewives (so much promise, so little love) just creeps me out - their faces don't move properly so I suspect there is an onset minion injecting botox into Terri Hatcher at every spare moment. Am I the only one that thinks she looks like the Joker in Batman?

House is just dumb (not as dumb as Monk, but close).

I think something weird has happened to me. In the past 3 years I've had The West Wing, 100 Centre Street, Queer as Folk, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, Oz (now there is a prison series), Curb Your Enthusiasm, Little Britain, Spooks, League of Gentlemen, Love My Way, Arrested Development... There is a long long list of exciting couch viewing.

I've been ruined by quality television. My ability to enjoy crap has been greatly diminished, to the point where I will no longer tolerate crap acting, hack writing and 6 minute ad breaks every 7 minutes. Is it time for me to hang up my remote and just walk away? Say it isn't so!

Doesn't Commander in Chief start next week...?

Love Letter

2006-02-14T06:45:00.000+11:00

For all you lovebirds out there, this one is for you…

Despite the gross commercialization of Valentines Day I thought it would be nice to spend some time (alone) on the couch contemplating the romantic film. I’m not talking Casablanca, An Affair to Remember, or (heaven forbid) Sleepless in Seattle - all acceptable midday movie viewing. There are five films that made me think it was worth hoping for.

For those of you happily paired I hope your sweetie does remember the overpriced flowers – or the equivalent thereof.

For those of you recently heartbroken I hope your friends remember to call you and wish you well.

For those of you that could care less, remember you cynics – it’s just a day for people to say I love you, it doesn’t have to involve chocolate.

And for those of you with a secret crush on someone now is the time to strike – you’d be surprised how this day can work in you favour (go on!)

And for those of us who know it will pass without a whisper - hit the couch

5. The Cooler
4. Simple Men
3. Reds
2. The Girl on the Bridge
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

And we shall never speak of this again

Gold Gold Gold for Australia...I mean Norway

2006-02-11T16:48:00.000+11:00

I have a confession to make. Like all great couch potatoes I love watching sport on television. And I'm fairly indiscriminate about what I am prepared to watch. I've just recovered from the Australian Open, eagerly awaiting the start to footy season, and contemplating foxtels tempting offer of 7 new channels just for the Commonwealth Games - which I might add are on here in Melbourne so if I got off the couch I could go see some of it.

Could I be lazier? In fact my new years resolution was to actually leave the house and see some sport this year. I know the smart thing to do is to actually play sport but I can't catch a ball to save my life.

I can manage to walk, swim, occasionally hit a tennis ball. God knows I'll give you a run for you money on F1 Grand Prix (playstation of course! One sad year I stayed awake for every Grand Prix and tried to master each circuit on the ps2 before watching the race - no wonder I'm single).

I'm completely left handed - so much so that if you need a right arm I've got one just doing nothing right now. So I remain an armchair enthusiast. Complete with a long list of favorite sports films and an opinion on anything from afl to diving to baseball to tennis, even to downhill skiing.

Which brings me to tonights juicy treat. The Opening Ceremony of the 2006 Winter Olympics from Torino Italy (cheer!)

This sunburnt country of ours has managed a team of 40 - 29 of whom are competing in the Olympics for the first time. Our best hopes are Lydia Ierodiaconou in aerials, and Torah Bright in snowboard halfpipe. Good luck goes out to our youngest member 19 year old snowboarder Mitchell Allen. Alisa Camplin returns with sugar free brilliance to defend her title as queen on the freestyle aerials. Good luck to them all!

TOP 5 sports movies

5. Murderball
4. Hoop Dreams
3. Chariots of Fire
2. On Any Given Sunday
1. Rocky (of course!)

And the Academy Award won't go to...

2006-02-08T23:20:00.000+11:00

Joaquin Pheonix.

Now I hate Nova cinema with a passion. Not once have I been there where I haven't had to deal with rude staff, bad seats and poor projection. So it was with some hesitation I accepted an invitation to the opening night of Walk the Line.

I don't know anyone who is a fan of the biopic, I know I avoid them like a plague. I can honestly say I will never see Ray, Chaplin, or even Ghandi. The only exception to my rule has been Ed Wood - which continues to bring me joy.

But I love Joaquin Pheonix. He has the saddest face of any man I've seen. And I can't say I hate Reese Witherspoon, despite her chin and pretty pretty husband.

So I went with an open heart, bad front row seats and sat though a 45 minute set by a blues band doing Cash covers to get the full house in the mood (in true Nova style they left the drum kit in the cinema so during the film we could all hear the snare reverberate).

It's a simple film, well crafted, nicely peppered with a great supporting cast - Robert Patrick is great as the unforgiving father. It's a film full of fantastic music and a respectful telling of a great love story.

But at the centre of all of it is Joaquin and a performance so vulnerable and raw and brilliant it made me weak at the knees. It's so exciting to watch a film when you suspect it is the performance an actor will be remembered for - the best they will ever give us

Think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty
Think of Edward Norton in Fight Club
Think of Guy Pierce in Memento
Think of Johnny Depp in Dead Man
Think of Christian Bale in American Psycho
you get the idea.

River Phoenix never came close.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman will undoubtedly take the gold man home this year. But you know what? He doesn't deserve it. Why? Because Phillip Seymour Hoffman can act, and does so very well in every thing he's in. He was just doing his job. He just had to turn up.

If I could send Mr Phoenix an academy award I would. Instead I'll see his film three or four times (but not at Nova) - with friends, with mum, with anyone who hasn't seen it and wants to share a popcorn and coke combo (email me!).

Then when I wear out the soundtrack I'll go buy every Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison and Elvis Presley cd I can lay my hands on. A great start to the year.

The most beautiful ad on television

2006-02-07T23:39:00.000+11:00

As much as I like it I have never known too much about music. I have always surrounded myself with people who seem to be passionate about it and I tend to just absorb what they expose me to (yes Beck I will listen to that Mary J Blige cd tomorrow I promise). The cds in my collection could all be categorised by people I've known (hey David I still have all your Tom Waits and Elvis Costello cds).

My boss Abi has amazing taste in music and this year has given me Coco Rosie and Anthony and the Johnsons. My daughter Hope (age 11) has become obsessed with the White Stripes and I in turn can't stop singing Little Ghost.

If I do buy music myself it is nearly always movie soundtracks which may then lead to me discovering something else. But recently it has been advertising - so often the evil hijacker of good (and bad) music that has caught my attention.

I have been totally seduced by the Sony ad for their new monster TV. It shows thousands of coloured superballs bouncing down the streets of San Francisco. The music is by someone called Jose Gonzalez from his debut album 'veneer'. I know this because at work the other day I picked out his cd at random and put it on.

And there it was. The soundtrack to the most beautiful ad on television.

Look I know it's for Sony and Im sure they are evil but this ad is like a perfect poem. And you know what?

I really like the music

Globe trotting

2006-01-25T23:58:00.000+11:00

I have just finished watching the amazing series Long Way Round. Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor rode their motorbikes around the world with a cameraman in tow. 20,000 kms. It was just extraordinary. I know it sounds naive of me to say but I don't think I understand just how big the planet is. Watching them go round it slowly, I was struck by the scale. And I wondered why people wanted to travel to outer space when outer mongolia is just so amazing.

The viewing of this series has coincided with me toying with the idea of going to New York. I sat in the travel agency last week and I was transfixed by the wall of brochures.

So many places.

But I've never considered Russia, Kazikstan, Syberia as travel destinations. I'm 'strictly pavement' as Woody Allen would say.
But Long Way Round at least gave me a glimpse from the couch of what these places look like and it's great to have them rattling round in my head.

Enough with the ape already!

2006-01-22T23:17:00.000+11:00

Every year My friend Michael and I celebrate his birthday by seeing a movie together. He made me see The Lord of the Rings, all three of them. And this year I was subjected to King Kong.

I started looking at my watch even before I'd seen the monkey.

Is there something wrong with me? Why don't I get it? It worries me that I don't appreciate Peter Jackson. I just don't think he's a good filmaker. Visionary maybe, and certainly surrounds himself with an amazing technical team, even hires semi interesting actors (Adrien Brody's nose is a sight to behold). But he gets all these great elements together and then bloats the project out so much that in the end I'm left thinking - 'yeah ok scary island, bugs, dinasaurs, ape, whatever. Can I get some dialogue with this epic?'

I know I'm alone in this.

I'm just waiting for Jarhead, Hostel, Aeon Flux, X-MEN...

Happy Birthday Michael

Ramona

Heatwave Film Festival

2006-01-20T15:41:00.000+11:00

Top Five films to cool you down

5. The Day After Tomorrow (you think our weather is bad...)

4. The Shipping News (steely drizzle, a great house)

3. Fargo - (blood looks so red in the snow!)

2. Smillas Feeling for Snow (another Gabriel Byrne Guilty Pleasure)

1. Anything by Woody Allen who only shoots in Autumn

Stay Cool Couch Potatoes

2006-01-19T23:53:00.000+11:00

You know I should say something about the Golden Globes. I love award ceremonies and i did watch every minute of it. It's the party of the year after all. yeah, a party we are not invited to. But this year did have some higlighlights

TOP FIVE MOMENTS OF THE GOLDEN GLOBES 2006

5. Hugh Lauries speech - comic GENIUS

4. George Clooney - sigh. Funny. my pal Beck has just seen Solaris for the first time (best Soderbergh EVER) and I ventured out to see Good Night and Good Luck - a film that is just as neat as a pin. It's clean, well made, simple - elegant. Much like the Clooney I suspect.

3. Geena Davis - look I'm pretty sure that Commander in Chief is going to be a dud show. I'm a huge West Wing Fan and can only deal with one White House on tv at a time. But quite frankly I thought Geena had gone the way of Sigourney Weaver and would never work again - but she stands triumphant - all 7 feet of her.

2. Chris Rock. Smart, funny. My FAVOURITE combination in any man. I know people go on about Jamie Foxx but he's an idiot, a mysoginist (just guessin there) and he sure aint funny. chris is THE ROCK.

1. Mary Louise Parker beating all the desperate housewives - a victory for all normal women who don't do their housework in high heels.

cheers from the couch

Ramona

So little time so much television.

2006-01-16T11:30:00.000+11:00

I worked it out once, while watching a Seinfeld marathon on TV1. eight to ten hours of tv a day, that's 70 hours a week. That's nearly three days a week on my couch. I watch probably a film and a half a day. which works out to be over 500 a year. But you know, I'm not fussy. Sure I'll try and watch every film nominated for a golden globe award, but I'll get as much of a kick out of the daytime emmys. I know what you're thinking, sad really.

Don't panic, Im not completely passive. I eat, I make things, I draw, sometimes during a particularly slow test cricket match I'll even read. I've worked out a way where I can cook, clean, garden, sew, paint, knit, write and sleep - all within sight of my Loewe widescreen tv. But there are a few things I can't do. I can't drive, I can't walk or play tennis or see a band (unless they are on tv). And for some weird reason I can't use my computer. It was geographically impossible to get the computer and the tv in the same room. So I can't read reviews, or blogs or spoilers from the couch. I know there are ways you can do it (laptop anyone) but funds haven't streched that far - I have to leave the house to work people!)

So I thought a blog was in order.
couchville.
stuff Im watching.
From the couch.